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Experiment/"Chicago"
2003-03-28, 3:03 p.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

Alrighty

How's everybody doing? I bet you are just dandy.

Well, I've been doing something a little different everynight.

For my birthday last year, when I turned 15, my Mom got me a huge pillow. Its awesome. I used it everynight. I wanted to see what I would do in the middle of the night if I had no giant pillow with me. So I took it to the unfinished side of my basement, and hid it way back in the back.

I thought this would be torture to me. This started the night that Vicky "broke up" with me. Anywho, I was lying in my bed, after talking to Eric about this, who is actually one of my best friends now. I was helping him out with Ashli, which I did, and they are happy again, and I am happy for them. Ashli doesn't want a boyfriend, but she's not mad at Eric anymore, and they're getting along.

He told me that he was there if I wanted to talk. I don't need to talk. I want to talk to McB though. He'll tell me if my relationship was "bullshit" or not. He's good at that. I'll talk to him this weekend. I really have no idea what he'll say.

We're "just friends" now, as Justin puts it. I wonder if I hurt her ever. Not physically, of course, fuck no, but her feelings. Everybody has feelings, and I don't like messing with anybody's.

I was thinking all night Wednesday night. I almost couldn't sleep. This wasn't because of the pillow though. I was just thinking of what I've done with her, and my last entry. I talk as if I'll never see her again. Weird.

I went to sleep fine though. I turned off "Everybody Loves Raymond" for my first time like that so I could think about stuff. I felt bad. I don't know anything.

At around 5:50am I woke up. It was so friggin scary. I looked around for my pillow, and then remembered that I took it away. I need that pillow. I must have it. Its weird, I know. There's few people like this, like me. I got up, and looked around. It was so weird. WEIRD is the only word to describe it. It was the only thing I was thinking. I was too tired to say anything too. I was like "mmmmmmmmmmmfuck." I couldn't really believe it either. I didn't think I needed the pillow. Its a friggin pillow. I am too good for the pillow. Wrong. I'm nothing.

I was too tired to look for it, and I fell back down and got a suitcase from my closet and slept with that. That was a little hard though. It wasn't comfortable. So I put it back in my closet.

I slept fine, I guess. I didn't wake up at 2 or 3 like I usually do. I woke up at five. Maybe that's a good thing. I lasted that long without caring for the pillow. Anyways. School the next day, yesterday, was stupid. I wanted to be home the whole time. Home, where I don't do anything at all.

Last night was cool though. I went to see "Chicago" with Chelsey. It was really good. AWESOME movie. It deserved the best picture of the year, which it won. I loved it. It was told through music, and very little dialoge, but that's what made it cool. There was a guy, Amus, who had a wife who killed a guy. She went to jail for it. He was a really good guy who had no life. He loved his wife more than anything, and wanted her out of jail. He did everything he could to pay for the best lawyer, played my Richard Gere. His wife started to love the lawyer because he was suave and has never lost a case. The husband was jealous and sad, and felt unnoticed by her. He then filed a divorce. He was my favorite character, because I relate to him the most.

After I got Ashli and Eric all happy and stuff, I invited Ashli to the movie too. Vicky had some stuff for UN that she had to do. I would have liked her to come. I went to call Ashli later and looked in my Palm Pilot to get her number, and I looked at Doug's number because his name is right on top of hers in Alphabetical order. So I called DOUG. His Dad answered.

"Hey, this is Chris, can I talk to Ashli?"

"Yeah, HE'S right here."

"Hello?" Doug asked.

and I replied with "Hey, who is this?"

"This is Doug"

And I just started cracking up. Oh shit, I felt so stupid. Ooops.

Its raining and storming really hard out. I need to get off the internet. Dammit.

After the movie though, my parents were nowhere to be seen. Chelsey and I waited for about half an hour for them. It was so funny. She kept saying "Well, this is interesting."

Then I went to Video Time (they know me there), and called Mom who had already called the theater before. The lady who works at the theater gave her the wring time for when the movie was over. Idiot. So Mom picked us up at Video Time and took Chelsey home then.

Nothing happened at school today. Nothing at all. My teachers had a little basketball game right before lunch just for fun. I didn't go. I never paid for it. I never bring money to school. It was cool though. At lunch time, I looked through the gym windows, and saw my health teacher and Drama teacher. Two people I could never picture together. That looked like fun to watch, but I know I had more fun with Doug and McB playing cards.

Okay, lightning. God's now telling me to get off. Whatever. Bye.

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