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Doug's house last night with Vicky
2003-05-31, 4:01 p.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

I'm working on my English crap. I just NEED to write here...

Today started off by McB calling me around 10:30am and me saying "Okay, I'll be right over." Of course, laying there was SO comfortable because my bed is awesome, haha, and I turned over and hugged my giant pillow the exact same way I held Vicky last night.

Last night we went to Doug's house and with Chelsey. By we, I mean Vicky and I. We started off by playing Chels' Monopoly which was never explained to me and I had no idea what I was doing. I have no idea what I did. I didn't lose though, I got to play with Vicky behind the couch. The making out was so nice but definitly not the best part of last night.

Holding Vicky was so awesome. Not only her hand, but holding HER. I didn't care about the making out, really, I just wanted to lay there, like she did. We watched "The Mothman Prophecies" and "Ghost Ship." Two non-romantic movies almost in every way. Richard Gere lost his wife. That was really sad. So that makes it somewhat romantic. Is that romance? The wife dying. Maybe not. It could be said to be romantic as to how he reacted. He cried in the end saying he really missed her. That was my favorite part of the movie because it had the most affect on me.

I heard Chels from the couch say "I don't know why my eyes are watering." Mine were too, and I have no idea why. That kind of movie wasn't gonna make me cry, I actually don't unsually cry to movies. I like to think I don't, at least. I wonder if my little tear was for happiness, but wouldn't I know that? I was happy to be there with Vicky. I have no idea why there was that tear, it was weird.

"Mothman Prophecies" wasn't really good but then it was good. It was a well made awesome movie. Its just that the people died and there was only one person saved, saved by Richard Gere at the end and I guess that stopped the killings, or so we think. It ended with no ending. Every victim that was warned about died except for one person. That's terrible!

"Ghost Ship" had maybe a couple really cool looking special effects part BUT only TWO people survived for the end. And one of those two people was the BADGUY! I dislike these kinds of movies and "Ghost Ship 2" would be the dumbest movie.

So the movies were ONLY just okay... but watching them with Vicky was so awesome. After "Mothman Prophecies" Vicky cried. After the movie. I thought that was the coolest thing actually because it felt so good. She cried with me. I don't know...I think that shows that she was comfortable with me. I asked what was wrong because I care. I asked twice. Then I asked if she was okay. No answer everytime which I understood. I understand. I care.

I'll never forget that. I felt so good there.

We even kissed goodbye again. Okay, I HATE kisses goodbye. I love them but I hate them. Vicky was leaving! That's the part I hate about them. I just stood there and watched her leave and after, Doug and I played Vice City. That cheered me up though, Vicky was gone...I hated that she was gone...the night was over. Kisses goodbye symbolize bad things, symbolize endings. If Richard Gere got to kiss his wife goodbye in the END of the movie, that would have been awesome.

I asked Vicky if she was tired...she said no. I ask this question a lot and when people say no, that shows that the night isn't over. It doesn't feel over to me. Its another weird thing with me because I'm so weird, but its cool. I even said "Cool!" Whenever I ask McB, its usually late in the night and he always says "Yeah, a little bit." That means he's goin to sleep now and I should go to sleep also. I hate that feeling.

There was some kind of mix up with my mom about picking me up. She never got any of the messages I left her and Dad never listened to the messages. Mom just showed up.

It took so long for my mom to leave Doug's house. Not that I wanted to go, but it wasn't better than just standing outside and looking at my blank wrist showing Mom that it was time to go. My mom was very talkitive last night and told Chels and Vicky the story of how Shadow barks at fat bearded men meaning she was abused. After she said that story I wanted to say something mean like "Good job, detective."

I even talked to her about it on the way home. It was raining, it was late, I was driving, and there was nobody else on the road except me. I like the rain...unless I have to ride my bike to someone's house. That ruins everything. I asked Mom if she thought she was talkitive. Then she was like "Oh my god, your friends hate me, don't they?"

"Jeez Mom, why are you like this? Calm down."

At McB's today, we were in his garage the whole time because he's having a garage sale. He had a tv out there with the Game Cube hooked up. Pretty cool, I got to meet a lot of people. I didn't actually talk to these people, but I said "Hello" to them. Then they'd ask what stuff McB was selling. There was some weird thing that I thought was a salad cutter. This old lady asked about it and I said what I thought it was and McB didn't even know. (It was actually a juicer, one of those things you squeeze oranges on to make orange juice. I was way off.)

"Some salesman YOU are!" the lady yelled at him. Then she came over to look at our tv, "Look at kids these days, always on their playstation! My grandson is always on his playstation."

Old people, including my dad, think that every gaming system is a playstation. Weird thing I noticed today.

McB sold his Nintendo 64 for $25!!! I was going to buy that from him. If I had just gotten up instead of hugging my pillow, it would be mine. There is a huge story behind me trying to get that that totally makes me mad. I wanted that, and even bought a game for it so I could buy it.

Fuck that anyways. Me hugging my pillow was better and definitly worth it! I was gonna buy the N64 for $50 when he first got his Game Cube. Damn am I lucky. But I still don't have it. Oh well, playstation is better.

Haha, I hugged my pillow this morning thinking "Dammit, Vicky is warmer." It was cold this morning, and cold outside. Cold in McB's garage! I had to jog home because Dad wouldn't pick me up. There's my excersise for a couple days.

Last night was the best, and I will never forget it.

Oh, Doug and Chelsey had a lot of fun watching the movies too. They had a LOT of fun watching the movies.

Tonight we're goin to Spags. Ryan Mo is leaving for up north for the summer after school gets out so this is what he wanted to do with us. It'll be fun, we haven't been to Spags in a while.

Cheerful Quotes of the Day to Make up for This Lousy Weather:

"I'm glad men don't get pregnant. Football season would be ruined- "Montana is knocked up again."-Jeff Foxworthy

"I am really starting to like golf Mom beecause I'm getting pretty good. I can throw the clubs almost as far as I can hit the ball!"-Chris Eidt, haha, ME, but this (I have just read) has been said before, dammit. Said by Bob Ettinger.

"Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it."-Phyllis Diller.

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."-Steven Wright.

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