Back to life, back to reality
2003-07-10, 7:01 p.m.

Ahhhhhhhh, Summer Vacation.

Its a goood feeling, isn't it?

I have all the time in the world to do all the nothing that I want to. Here's my motto: "The earlier you set your alarm clock, the more you get to sleep in." I'm sure you can find some double meanings in that.

Yesterday, I got back from a LONG weekend that felt too short. A weekend up north with Vicky.

A lot of it was playing Vice City, Vicky's favorite game, and fun to watch her play it. A lot of it was swimming. I went under the water only the first day. It was very very cold the whole time.

I must say that this past weekend was too awesome. Something I should thank my parents for. But...

Last night we got home after dropping Vicky off at her house. Then we get home, and reality comes back. Reality check, even though I don't want to check it. It just hit me. Hit me hard, painfully, and kept me up all last night. My family is the most fucked up family in the world. I hate them. I hate all of them. I want them to die. They don't deserve to be here. They make me feel like shit. My dad, FUCK him! He doesn't leave me alone. He fucking hurts me. His sense of humor is sick, and he's killing me. Life sucks. I wanted to die. I want to fucking die. Fuck them. I want to leave and never fucking come back. I don't want to hurt them, you know what???? I don't fucking give a fucking flying mother fucking FUCK about them.

I also knew this shit was going to happen.

Dad let her come up to hurt me. He didn't do shit while we were up there. He went to bed early, which still counts at midnight. Early. He's an asshole.

I don't want to die, I just read that over. I have so much to look forward to. We all have so much to look forward too when we get older. Our futures are gonna be awesome. Our futures are what we're living for. Well, I'm living.

I didn't sleep last night, not that much. I stayed up till 3am. I read Vicky's "How to be a Working Actor." I read the whole thing. She had a lot of it highlighted and I read around the highlights, and all the scripts at the end of the book. I read them out loud. I read with an accent, a couple accents, and I know you have never heard me talk in an accent, haha, but I did. I did my best, in front of me. Then I watched the end of "Lethal Weapon." The most violent part.

I talked to Vicky a little bit last night "Wow, I haven't talked to YOU in a while," and it helped. She keeps me sane. Last night would have sucked the most hell if this internet didn't fucking work, which it didn't. Not after a couple tries. A lot of tries.

I haven't seen Vicky TODAY though. She was up at 6am, I guess, and then went to sleep. That's staying up later than me, much later, and I got up at 2:30pm today. So, I'll see her tomorrow. Then life will be okay again. It'll all be better.

I'll tell you more about this awesome weekend that has still remains awesomer, and very erotic, very sexual, very fun, and still...look at me, I'm smiling. I'll tell all of you, but I need to go right now. I need to.

I hope you didn't read this entry, shit, it sucks.

I'm okay, I'll be okay.

I need Doug, Chelsey, and Vicky though. I need them.

We need to do stuff.

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