I'm back from up north.
I tried to get a lot of sun. Sun, meaning tan. I walked out into lake Michigan with my arms out and the bottoms of my arms up. They hadn't gotten too much sun on the farm. I have a farmer's tan, still. I sat on the beach, reading, and getting my knees burnt from the sun. That awesome sun. The water was warm. Lake Michigan had nice swimming weather the whole time we were up there.
Weather, boring?
The rest of it was family. Now, I can't have fun with just my family. I haven't been able to for a long time. That was a long weekend, but it went by very fast for what I thought it was going to feel like.
I stayed up there for four nights, I keep thinking to myself. Unbelievable, to me. This morning, I got up, finished lunch around 1:00pm, and helped Mom and Dad clean the house. We always clean the bathrooms, and then vacuum the whole house before we leave. Its annoying.
The weekend I planned for would never seem to end. The weekend I planned for myself was to lock myself in my room and read the whole time. Eat, maybe.
I sat on the beach to read instead. My parents can take me up there, but I'm going to enjoy myself.
To myself, I even sound immature. We're supposed to have good times up there, so I tried.
The Fat One was screaming or singing loudly the whole time.
I drove up, and her extremely loud laughing scared me at times. I drove down with a "Blue Moon" flavored ice cream cone, and could not control the wheel very well. I would tend to slide into the other lane a lot. When rain started pouring down, the van was slipping. "Hydroplaining" or something, is what its called. McB talked to me about his experience with that before.
To make my time go faster, I took naps. "The time always comes" I always tell myself.
At night, I cried. The first two nights I did, at least. Cried for nothing. Just cried. The second night I cried listening to music. My "City of Angels" soundtrack is actually really good. I bought it for "Uninvited" by Alanis.
Crying is good for people, I think. I don't think it helps sometimes, but it feels goood. So maybe it does help. I missed everyone the first night, and I just thought I wasn't going to make it through that week. I wished I could die and then come back to life on Sunday. That would be cool. I'd see what heavan was like too. Then tell everyone.
Whatever.
The whole time, my nervousness that I left with was about what I would be coming home too. All sorts of shit happens. Well, I'm home, so some of that has gone away. I need to talk to a bunch of people. Including my cousin Katie about her coming up north. I don't think she'll be able to this summer.
This weekend I read Harry Potter. I'm behind on those books, so I was just reading the fourth. I've almost finished it. Two more days is all I need, which I'll have next week. Also, I might start the fifth.
One night we went into Mackinac. The girls (sisters) left with our neighbors, and Dad went to a casino, and that left Mom and I in Mackinac. We went to a grocery store. We bought milk, orange juice, and Schnapps.
Oh yeah.
We had a long talk about drinking after that. About everything, actually. About drugs. About how taking drugs would effect my kids. We talked about me having kids, and guess what my friends! Twins run in my dad's family. I am in line to be having the next twins.
We talked about my new therapist. Results are in. I took this huge long test and I have anxiety. Hooray.
Mom said that athe doc was uncomfortable in saying that. She said that he LOVED reading my results. I don't really understand that, but she said that HE said I was unlike anyone he's ever met before, and my answers to this test were unlike ones he'd ever seen before. This test, I didn't think could show a lot, but after Mom talked to me about my results, I understood. This guy is an M.D. so I understand a little more how the hell he got what he got.
She said that he LOVED talking to me. "You are unlike anyone he's talked with" Mom said. I smiled at that, but it didn't help for what she talked about next, that I am going to go back to my therapist from a couple years ago.
Back to therapy. I'm sure I need it.
I took the Schnapps in the house and hid them from the girls. The next night, my mom and I had some. Peach Schnapps (Have I been spelling that right?). Well, I had some alone, and then some in orange juice. Mom says they call that a "Fuzzy Navel." It was good, syrupy.
The alcohol didn't effect at all. Schnapps usually has the flavor of peppermint, I think. Maybe that was the original flavor, I heard about them on "Everybody Loves Raymond." When Mom wasn't looking once, I took a huge gulp, and then when she turned around I asked "Could I have another sip?"
She smiled and said "Fine."
When the girls came home, Mom told me to drink a lot of it so Diana wouldn't take some. To her, it would just look like Mom's orange juice. I got a lot more than Mom did, but it still didn't effect me.
I played Monopoly with the girls. Just to show that I wasn't completely avoiding the family, and because Mom let me have some of her Schnapps. I had to do SOMETHING with the family.
Mostly I read Harry Potter. The talk with Mom was the best part. I'm getting my old therapist back. I cleaned the house today and got out of the house as quickly as possible and got home around 7:00pm, I think. Really good time, we usually leave around 4:00pm, but I made sure we were out by 2:00pm. I would have died if we did any later, I was getting pissed off. I wanted to be home. I drove to make sure we got home quick. I was over the speed limit until heavy rain started pouring on me. Dad took over, and the rain stopped.
Thunder sounded the whole weekend, even though we had a LOT of sun! I loved the sound of thunder. The only family movie we watched was "I Love Trouble" which had Eugene Levy in it for a cameo. An awesome actor, he is.
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