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Dislikable Things
2003-09-14, 7:50 p.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

I'm listening to "The Matrix Reloaded" album.

It took me about two hours to get online because this damn computer hates me. I hit myself on the face just now and I have this ringing sound in my ear, its really freaky. Its going away though. I cannot describe my mood right now. I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of tonight. Tomorrow is school. I will not screw up this year in school.

My family hates me too. I do not hate Mom or Diana, and they don't hate me. I'm talking about the Fat One and Dad. I do not care, I could not care less about what they think of me, but it does bother me when people yell at me or say something when its not true.

Calling me immature bothers me. I want to know what people see as immature if I'm immature. The Fat One called me immature and Dad didn't deny it. I don't expect him to stand up for me, I can stand up for myself.

Nothing pisses me off more than when this damn computer doesn't work.

Parents telling me to get off also pisses me off.

When Dad comes up to me around 10:00pm and tells me to get off the computer, I tell him no and that I'm doing something. I mean, I'm not bothering him, I'm not bothering anyone, and I'm doing things. Most of the time, I'm doing homework. What's more important: Homework, or sleep? That's a damned hard question to him.

Homework wins though.

But why the hell can't he just leave me the fuck alone? I want him to go away.

All I ask my parents for is food, shelter, and clean clothes. I do not wash my own clothes, but I need to learn how to do that.

I do not ask much at all, do I? Maybe doing my clothes is too much, but I'll learn.

Things that piss me off would be the Fat One, Dad, the computer not working, and trying to think of more things that piss me off. Homework that is frusterating. Homework that is pointless, which is most of it. Teachers who do not teach. Frusterating video games (this should not be in this damned list). Not knowing what I'm going to do with my life...

When I get older, that's when I'll figure out what I do. If this were senior year, I would probably have a job, because I need money. I do not need a car, so I won't need to buy gas. With my money, I plan to travel to places and figure out a good college that will make my future. Then, I'll move there. That is my plan, and that's the only thing I can come up with now. I will not go to college right away, I will find a college first, and moving there will make the college cost much less.

I don't like planning things. I don't like choosing what I'm gonna do, but the biggest choice I'll ever make is what I do after high school. I HATE school, and I just want to know why going to SCHOOL makes what we do when we get older. To be a lawyer, you have to go to law school, to be a director of a movie, you have to go to film school.

School sucks.

Whatever though, I'm gonna go to school everyday, I'm gonna do the required amount of classes and school that is recommended. I'm gonna graduate, and then see what I will be doing the rest of my life. I know what I want to do, and I think that should not change.

Does school control our lives?

The Fat One has no purpose in my life, that is for sure, but she also has no fucking purpose of her own. "When I get a boyfriend, I'm gonna bring him up north just like Christopher brought Vicky."

Her reason for getting a boyfriend would be to piss me off. WHICH it would NOT. Nobody can TRY and piss me off, because it doesn't work, but people being dumb shits like talking about how I am immature and they're not when she still watched poor kiddy cartoons on TV.

I HATE her, and I wish she were dead, perhaps that would depress the rest of my family for the most fucked up reasons, but they'd be away from me. I'd do anything and everything I wanted in this house.

I'm getting all I want in this house right now, and more. PS2, whenever I want, internet, just about whenever I want, I'm on it a lot, and a VCR and DVD player. A bedroom two stories away from everyone. I'm thankful, my friends.

So, I do not care whether or not she lives, but life would be ten times better without her.

When I move out of this house, life will be a million times better.

You know what, life is good now.

Quote of the Day: "Don't wish your life away" -Me

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