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SB: Love; Hair; Renting Movies
2004-04-08, 1:29 a.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

Spring Break: Wednesday's Edition and Thursday's Edition: Volume One

All most of you need to know, is that there is a threat against me in my relationship with Vicky. I have gotten extremely jealous, worried, scared, and now sick. I have the same thoughts toward her that I did a year ago, when I first started reading her diary. This year it doesn't have anything to do with her diary, but I want and need her just the same. *Sigh* I am in love with her now more than ever.

Yesterday, thinking about all of this, I couldn't sleep. I woke up at normal school times and took a walk, seeing Vicky's mom drive the brown van with Vicky in the front seat.

THIS morning, I woke up at Jimmy's house at noon, and just walked home with my pillow. We talked about a few things, but most of what we talked about has nothing to do with anything I should write here. Jimmy and only really talk on Instant Messager. When I am at his house, we usually just watch movies. Being with him does comfort me a little bit. He trusts me. I trust him.

Today is Thursday, by the way, and I'm trying to write about yesterday.

Yesterday, after going to Vicky's house for nearly two hours, only talking to her while she listened, I got a hair cut. If you have ever seen me, then you know my hair is getting pretty long, and I love my bangs, so I kept most of those, but the back of my head is very short. I'm afraid I will have to lose the idea of getting that mullet. I would look so terrible with a mullet. Back when I was...well, younger, my mom did the cutting of my hair. She's not really a professional, and I always looked like crap. But I wanted long hair. I practically had a mullet back then. I had long hair in the back and shorter hair in the front.

I was online a lot yesterday. I rode my bike into town to get a movie and instead started thinking about a lot of things. Spending money would have depressed me. I didn't rent a movie. At Jimmy's, I saw a preview of "Kill Bill" and I would have rented that, but that doesn't come out until next week.

I just started thinking about a year ago, first reading Vicky's diary, and I stopped eating because I was worried about certain things. It's pretty much the same now. I don't know what is going on, and this is unfortunately all I can write here. I am extremely weak. I don't feel like moving. Yesterday, the keys on this keyboard just didn't go down!

Vicky is in Chicago right now, if not still on the road. I text messaged Ana, her friend who is giving her the ride, "How are you girls doing?" First of all, I didn't understand if that cell phone was actually the text message. I think Jimmy actually told me that. I got into my email and read an awesome email from Vicky saying that it was a text message thingy, and right then, I got a reply. A reply telling me to have a nice weekend. I didn't save this reply. *smacks forehead*

I would really like to rent a movie today. If I knew which one to get, then I could just ride over and pick it up. "Se7en" is the one I want, but it's not there!

*Speechless*

Peace out, y'all. I may write later if I do anything good today. I think today is gonna be another day of calling people.

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