Sorry for not adding yesterday. Yesterday was the first day back at school and my biggest worry (sadly) was about Vicky. Long story short, we have been broken up, and that was because we were fighting so much. I even let these fights go on. When I started liking her, she realized that she was being treated like shit. I'll admit to that. Damn me. She starts hanging around these new friends, and I get jealous and hurry up with talking to her. When I do, I have already figured that there is some new guy in her life who is amazing, and a senior, so he's mature and stuff...and I have had to realize my chance with ever getting back with her.
I still have no idea what is going on, but my worries have gone way down, but I would really like to know a lot more about everything. I feel like I am asking a lot of questions, but hey, I'm being totally left out. "What do you want to know?" is what I'm being asked.
"What are you doing after school?"
Then she said things like "Why do you want to know?" over and over. It's frusterating and I have been scared. Scared of totally losing her. Until she tells me what to do, I am just gonna be kind of a freak.
I turned around after a while of asking her what she was doing after school and pouted until she had me talk to her elsewhere. I still have no idea what is going on. She hasn't told me what she thinks of me or about having a relationship with me like we once did. I messed up, I know, and I am about one damn week late on feeling all of these things (meaning doing something about it).
The biggest thing I am worried about is the sex part. If they do anything sexual, then I will be turned off forever. I could not want her. I would be angry. For some reason, with her, it feels like sex has to be there. She is extremely flirtacious and sexual. Most of her sense of humor has to do with that topic.
But all of my worries went away for a couple hours last night when watching my Monday night shows. They were all of "Two and a Half Men," and I like that show. Its about a guy who doesn't care what women think, but loves sex. I wish I could be like that. I only have one girl in my mind, and I need to talk to her about this for more than a lunch period. Sometime.
Last night, McB called me up. He came over and we talked while the 7:30pm showing of "Everybody Loves Raymond" was on. This is why I don't like having friends over during that show, because of the talking, but I appreciated the company and it was a rerun anyhow.
We talked about everything, keeping my mind totally off the subject of Vicky, which helps, believe it or not.
McB and I have been getting along a lot better lately. He is a really great friend, and instead of playing video games (like all you girls out there think we do all of the time), we talked. We talked, and made jokes. We laughed at the tv show for about one commercial and then I stood up and told him about how I was the Easter Bunny and candy was all over the house. "Do you want one?"
"Yeah, sure, I'll try one."
I grabbed the one off of the tv. He laughed, we talked some more. He was on his way to his girlfriend Alex's house and told me about how he is watching how much time he spends with her because of me. That has a great deal to do with how problems arose with Vicky and I.
Person of the Day (Yesterday): McB. For coming over to socialize out of the goodness of himself.
Today people kept telling me that I was down. People kept asking over and over "What's wrong, what's wrong?" I started taking offense to it. There's nothing wrong, I tell you. I can't talk to so many people, although I would like to.
Ashli said a good thing about me today, "Chris is so funny," to a friend she was working with. And then, of course, she asked me what was wrong. I need to bring her some jokes tomorrow.
I need Vicky to figure some stuff out, if you know what I mean. She needs to tell me what to do. I remember her asking what to do, and I told her to live and have fun. Now that she is doing it, she's having more fun that I expected...only because it isn't with me. Yeah, I'm thinking about her a lot right now, but I need her to tell me what to do. I wasn't ready to give up on the chance of being back with her, but I need her to tell me to, or not to.
It seemed that practically over night did she give up on that.
In English today, we had a journal that asked what time in history we would go to. I used two sentences saying that I wanted to go back to two weeks ago. I think everything would be different now, but if it wasn't, then I would know whether or not to move on in life and past the thought of dating Vicky. I also said that the '20s would be good, and right before the depression. That's where I am now, it seems. Maybe I would prefer going to 9/10 so I could warn airports for 9/11. That's what others said.
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