Quote of the Day: "People will come and go in and out of our lives, but we have to live with ourselves forever." - Kelly's profile.
Kelly is one of my greatest friends of the female sex. She is in my Spanish class. She has given me great advice in the past and has even helped me through some disturbing situations. I don't think I ever talk about her in this diary. I should start.
Chelsey and I sat in fifth hour today and I got onto the subject of the question "What if?" I think we were talking about what it would be like when we were grown up.
I started saying that when somebody gets older, they are going to think about "What if?" when it comes to women. They lie in their beds and think about what it could have been like being with a certain girl. I think this might happen with every girl they ever meet.
It is a haunting question.
On television and in the movies it is normal to see a woman complaining to her husband about other women. Ray Romano once said that his wife was angered with him because she saw a woman in her own dreams that he would like, had he been in the dream with her. That's crazy. That's one of those instances where couples have to say "I'm sorry," even if they have no idea why they are saying it.
So if you are married or you have a boyfriend and he is pondering about these other women, you can't stop him. I mean, if women could control our thoughts, guys, I'm afraid we would be screwed. What if girls could control us? I wonder what the world would be like.
Guys would match clothes. There's a good reason to get married, I'll tell ya. Guys like Red and if they like pink one day, why not just put them together? I could go days with the time it would take for me to differenciate men and women, haha. I'll write an entry on that someday. After studying it too. There's many things I dislike about women. I like women, of course, they are great company, they give us something to do. No buts. I like women.
The "What if?" question is haunting. What if the world could go back in time whenever they wanted? That's actually maybe one of the greatest questions ever because everyone wants to. Could that mean eternal happiness? Not for some people, I'm afraid.
If your boyfriend is thinking about breaking up for months and you just keep doing things "wrong," then what can you do?
You have all of the time in the world to think about what COULD be happening in your life IF certain things were different. Are things meant to happen? Who knows. When they do, we can say they do, and that gives us the satisfaction that you couldn't do anything about it. But What If?
What if you could be married to your first boyfriend?
What if you lived in another state?
Why don't we start questioning the future, huh? Maybe our "What if's" could be answered in time.
Let your mind wander, I'm sure it is healthy. Let yourself think about what would happen if you didn't do something. I'm sure all of you can think of something. Do you know what happens when you get angry at one of these questions? Do you know what it's called when your "What if" question goes wrong? A regret.
Unfortunately most of the time there is only one person who can answer your "What if" question. And that person is, of course, you. You sometimes can't answer your own "What if" question. How damn annoying!
The dreams of youth are the regrets of maturity.
Everybody thinks they can change the fucking world when they are teenagers. Look at me, I have huge dreams, I will get to be where I want to be someday, but right now I have to work towards it. Right now I just have to live, live through the right now stage.
I hate how damn high schoolers live. Everything seems so complicated. My mom always asks "You know it all, don't you?" Thank God for life, but I am so tired of certain things. The drama. Right now I am kind of creating my own drama. I learned how to do this, I haven't been able to my whole life. Everything is for revenge. It seems. Life slips away while in high school and then life starts again. High school relationships are so dumb and immature and even pointless. I say that now, but do I want to be in one? Actually, I don't, but when I get another opportunity, I will use my skills of carefullness and pursue what could happen.
I've been talking to my mom about finally getting a job that I would be happy with. She's excited that I am excited about working, I think. I'm not going to talk about where I want to work, just like I didn't talk about getting my license here. I mean, I tell everybody, everybody's happy, and then I fail. That wouldn't be good. So I don't tell anybody, I have no pressure, and I get to surprise everyone.
Yeah, I got my license. My picture on the verticle card will arrive in three weeks. I'm proud to live with the knowledge for the rest of my life that I got my license on Good Friday. So last Friday I took the driver's test. I was extremely nervous. Right afterwards, I drove to Lansing and I was actually still nervous. I drove terribly after my test. I was extremely stressed out and a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, so I was dizzy. My mom started screaming in terror at one point. Yay for me.
I asked myself "What if" one day, and made sure my mom signed me up to take the test. The deal was if I cut my hair, she would sign me up. I cut my hair, although I'm not happy with it. I think I'm going to cut the rest off if it doesn't grow quickly enough. This means cutting it before summer, which was not my original plan.
Ask yourself "What if," sometimes, you cannot escape it. I would know. Maybe it'll keep you alive. Think about the future though. "What if this happened?" That'll help you out, I'm sure. Don't worry about the past.
I need to start taking my own advice.
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