I�m never exactly bored during the day, but I have a lot of moments when I think to myself: I could be doing something a lot more worth my time. Being online takes up more time than any other activities I do during the day. I wish I could be getting more exercise this summer, but the weather has been piss poor. So, no basketball diaries for me.
Actually, there is something else, a movie, that has been taking up a lot of my time. I have watched �Desperado� three times since I rented it two days ago. That movie is damn awesome. Although I have many favorite parts, one of my favorite parts is Quentin Tarantino walking into the bar (where there will soon be an awesome gun fight) and he sits down, tries out a Mexican accent with some Spanish words, but doesn�t continue during his next screen time. He�s drinking beer that tastes like piss, and then says �This reminds me of a joke.�
This is copy and pasted, but I constructed the paragraphs, and added the asterisks:
This guy, he comes into a bar, walks up to the Bartender and says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you Three- Hundred dollars that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a single solitary drop."
The Bartender says� now one more time this glass is like a good ten feet away. He says, "Now wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Your trying to tell me you're gonna bet me Three-Hundred dollars that YOU can piss standing over here waaay over there, into that glass, and not spill a single drop?"
The guy looks up, smiling, and says, *cool voice tone* "That's right."
The Bartender says, "Young man you gotta bet!"
The guy says, "O.K. here we go, here we go."
He pulls out his thang. He's looking at the glass, man he's thinking about the glass, he's thinking about the glass, he thinks glass, he's thinking of the glass, think glass, thinking about hid dick. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Be the glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. Dick, glass. And then 'SWOOOSH' . He let's it rip! And he's ..he's pissin' all over the place, man! He's pissin' on the bar... he's pissin' on the stools, on the floor, on the phone... on the Bartender... He's pissing EVerywhere EXCEPT the fucking glass!! Right. O.K. So, Bartender, He's laughing his fucking ass off, he's Three-Hundred dollars richer!
He's like, "Ha Ha Ha Ha." Piss drippin' off his face. "Ha Ha Ha Ha" He says, "You FUCKIN' idiot, man. You pissed everything EXCEPT the glass!! You owe me Three-Hundred dollars punta."
And he goes, *whispers* "Excuse me, just one, one second." Goes in the back of the bar, and in the back there's a couple of guys playing pool. He walks over to them...*Acts like he�s whispering to the men* Comes back to the bar and goes, "Here you go Mr. Bartender, three."
And the Bartenders like, "WHAT the fuck are you so happy about, you just lost Three-Hundred dollars you idiot?!"
The guy says, "Well, you see those guys over there. I just bet them Five-Hundred dollars a PIECE, *back ground music fades out* that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your phone, and piss on YOU, and not only would you be not mad about it...... you'd be happy...
�That's some funny shit, huh! You'd be happy about it!�
Haha, alright, all that was just a joke in the movie, but why would anybody want to watch a movie where they�ve heard the joke already? Well, because Quentin tells it so well. I copy/pasted that just to get the right words in, but all the asterisks are my story telling. Quentin Tarantino is a movie director but he�s good friends with Robert Rodriguez and has been in his movies. Some, at least. Quentin was in �Pulp Fiction� and �Resevoir Dogs,� I remember those two at least, and he directed them. He�s also THE man behind �Kill Bill.� I idolize this guy with envy.
Quentin will be remembered.
~~
Speaking of bars, I went to one last night. Well, a bar and grill, where my friends and I always go to have pizza. The famous Spags! Famous in my world, anyways. Well, we�re there, and I get there earlier than the other guys, so we�re not all there, but myself is. I�m looking around for them, I walk in the back, they�re not playing pool, I look EVERywhere except the fuckin glass! HAha, you get it. I�m looking around though, and after about 15 minutes, I�m ready to leave. These guys, they�re never late, so I attempt to approach this beautiful waitress, and there comes Doug. His timing could not have been more perfect.
Waitresses, oh God, they are ALL hott! (Notice everything sounds more sexual with two letters. Sexxy, hott, dirrty. Dirrty, I got the idea from Christina Aguilara, move on.) I went to a restaurant called�well it started with a T and it was long and difficult to spell. I�m there, we�re up north, we, being my family. I�m there with my family, except Dad, who�s at the casino losing $4.35. This waitress walks over, and she reminded me of Jennifer Aniston with straight hair that goes down to the bottom of her neck. She had an awesome personality, funny, and charming. She didn�t have any other tables to wait on, probably because it was 9:30pm, thanks to Mom who couldn�t find the place. But because she had no other tables to wait on, her service for us was unbelievably good. She kept asking �Can I get you anything else?� She made sure we were happy where we were. Of course, I don�t think anybody says anything to those questions except �No thank you,� because waitress� make some people nervous. Like myself. Waiter�s in restaurants definitely make me nervous.
When she grabbed for the forks my mom didn�t seem to be using, Mom told her that she might use them, and the waitress leans back quickly and says �I�m sorry, sorry, I�ve had my hands slapped for that.� Who comes up with that? See, there was a point to that short story because usually they just say �sorry,� but she was smart, and had a backup line for herself to say.
I want to be a waiter, haha, so I can be the talkative nice guy. I will try to live up to the girl who waited on me who I will never forget at that restaurant up north. Plus, I need the money. That�s probably the only reason I would be a waiter, for money.
If I were married, and I went out to dinner with my wife, I would hate to have a female waitress. They make me uncomfortable, and horny. They have uniforms, and all uniforms are usually just shirts, but the girls always seem to wear tight pants. I mean, the girls obviously can�t wear sweat pants, walking around saying �Can I take your order, sir?� But those pants are noticeably attractive. Plus, they have to talk to you, so it makes them appear to be friendly. I mean, they can�t walk up to your table and stand around until you make an order, they have to ask to come back later �n stuff. They have lines.
When we were at Cedar Point, this guy had a whole speech to say and Chelsey asked him, once he was done �How long did it take you to memorize that?�
�About ten minutes.�
I congratulated him. That�s pretty damn good. Though, I don�t know exactly how long the speech was, but it seemed pretty long. But it�s the same with airline pilots �Keep your seatbelts fastened until we make a safe landing,� haha, I don�t even remember pilot�s speeches. But they can include comedy, like the people at Cedar Point. Which goes to show their personality. The guy who operated the swings kept saying �Stay in your swing� while he checked them out, and then �I�m just kidding, you may go.�
But waitresses are dressed and have to act hott. Wouldn�t it be cool to marry one? �May I take your order, miss?� �Yes, but you�ll have to wait until we get upstairs.�
Hott.
But then, �Wanna go out for pizza tonight, darling?�
�God no, I�ve been breathing pizza all day. That was my lunch. Lets go out for burgers.�
Actually, I guess it depends on the restaurant you go to, but it also depends on where she works. Anyways, I would just love those moments she first walked through the door�with the tight pants and name tag �Hello, my name is Iwantyou.�
So anyways, my friends and I went out to Spags, which was my first time this summer. I�m sorry that I missed Justin�s birthday. Perhaps I�ll give him $15 the next time I see him. He got me something nice for my birthday, �Red Dragon,� when it first came out. But we had fun, we played a lot of pool, because the table always gives us back our dollar. The pool tables have �Pinball Pete�s� stickers on them. So I�m wondering if you need to go to an arcade to buy a pool table.
When I grow up, I will have an arcade in my basement. I also want a slurpy machine and pizza spinner. Pool table, of course, but also Pac-Man and some shooting games.
I sat out, McB and I did, because we�re nice like that. Luke was on a role, 3-0 until Doug finally had a perfect shot in a game called 9-ball, where you only have to get the nine ball in, hitting one other ball. Doug�s good at pool though, I think Luke got lucky those other three games.
Then the waitress came around *sigh* and asked if we wanted to box up our pizza. When I was the only one to say yes, she walked back and the guys said �Alright, go eat it.� Whoops, did I just say that I would eat it, or that I wanted a box? Shit! I must look like a pig (and yes, this all matters, because she was a good looking waitress). But it ended up she WAS asking for a box. So I went up and gave her the $20 for our $15 pizza and then asked her if she could keep the change from here, and she smiled, said �Sure,� and then thanked me as I was walking away. *Sigh*
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Quentin Tarantino�s bar joke.
SONG OF THE WEEK: Justin�s vocals, McB�s and Doug�s guitar talents make an awesome song. Here�s the lyrics I have: �Why do I sit and cry when I know that you love me so?� Good line right there.
JOKE OF THE DAY: A man in his late 30�s is sitting on the couch, watching cable. His wife, who is the same age, comes home from the doctor, and she�s smiling. The husband comes in and asks her about it. She says �The doctor was very nice and ended up telling me that I had the body of a 20 year old.� The husband chuckles as if that was totally ignorant of this doctor and says �Oh yeah, well what did he say about your 40 year old ass?�
�Your name didn�t come up.�
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