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Finishing Freakin' Finals
2005-01-14, 3:14 p.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

*sighs*
*falls into chair*
*eats burrito*

Finals week is over, the stress over getting my stupid-shit Video Production project final is over, but that's just not enough stress to get rid of. There's always something in the back of my mind, something that I'm looking forward to being over with.

But honestly, the video production final, editing it with the piece of shit machines in that old room, where only three VCR's and a CD player are with three different TV's. Everything I did that should have worked and I had seen done before, there was always SOMETHING little that I was missing. I could never to it right.

The project was to get footage of something, edit it, and include fades and a little music, and believe it or not, the HARDEST thing was keeping it under two minutes. I don't think I even did that. Lame rules with lame technology, it was frustrating.

I mean, some of the things that went on in that room could only of been mean acts by God. Or something, because the stuff that fucked up most of what I had on tape got ruined by nothing. My audio was good all of the time, I never had problems with the audio while editing. I editted, but without fades or music in the beginning. I needed help with that part.

Which is just another piece of shit thing that added dilemma, needing HELP. Everybody needed help. Doug knew how to do everything. Robert did my awesome music for my project, had it all working perfectly, but the beginning didn't record music for some reason.

So I edit it. I have to wait for help from Doug to do any music. Robert helps me instead. We do all the music in about 20 minutes, and it sounded awesome. Well, the ending did, with my "Kids" song from "Bye Bye Birdie" playing while the teasing words play over the black fade. When we watched the whole thing from beginning to...not the end, because we noticed the music didn't work in the beginning! Why?! It will NEVER be explained.

I said "It's awesome, Thanks Rob." Robert's, like, the nicest guy in the world, seriously, and he's really, really funny.

Later that night I thought L-Train would appreciate it even more, and so would everybody else, if I put music on the beginning, because the end already worked. We put music over the beginning, and then it was perfect...so we try watching it all the way through, and the END, where the whole drama class sings "Telephone Hour," there is NO FUCKING SOUND! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN!??!?!??!

WE DIDN'T EVEN TOUCH THE END OF THAT WHOLE THING! That is UNCALLED FOR!

Doug and I ended up cutting out 3 minutes, making it only two and a half minutes tops, so I don't even think I'll lose 2 points for that (we get marked down two points every thirty seconds).

I, obviously, did my VP project on "Bye Bye Birdie," and it looked really good, it was a well put together, and much editted thing. The final product and the "mix" tape were totally different.

Anyways, now that that shit is done with, onto the much bigger "Bye Bye Birdie" production. I love this play, it is funny, a really good plot, awesome music, I like the music in it, and I like how we're going about it. It's gonna look AWESOME, and it's fun to be a part of, just like all productions. But it's stressful, and I'm not the kinda person who deals with stress at all, I don't get stressed...haha, or I don't like admitting it.

But I SUCK at singing, while I'm singing, I hate my damned voice. My voice is awful, and it wasn't ever meant for singing. Today, the music stopped, and I kept singing after the music had been stopped, and we all finished the song while on beat with the music, if it could have been there, but I just really don't like my voice. If I was an audience member listening to me sing, I would hold back my "boos" by leaving the auditorium.

I talked to Jimmy a little bit because I was frustrated with myself, and his response was "Don't try to impress anybody, because nobody cares anyways...at least not in this class." I've always thought Jimmy gave good on-the-spot advice, he's a really smart guy, but he's right. People are excited about the play, but they only really care about themselves.

The biggest encouragement I've gotten has been from Justin, who says "Chris, you are the man." He's kidding. Mary, last night, said I was doing a good job with my song. Other than that, I'm quite self conscious up there.

If I ever do any good, it'll be on stage. I get really excited those nights...I hope.

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