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Defintely just talking, 'ere.
2005-08-10, 4:20 p.m.

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

"Boy, this week just flew by!"

No. My week ...definitely... felt like a week. Yet summer continues it's non-stop flight right by me. A week up north has certain advantages, I guess. I mean, I watch a couple movies everynight. I like watching movies. My sisters watched one in the morning everyday. I would read down by the beach everyday. But I'd watch movies everynight. The first movie...the "family movie." The second was for me and me only. No adults allowed. No sisters allowed.

My family can't agree on a movie. Not once any night. There's always one person who disagrees. And if nobody disagrees, The Fat One would disagree. If I agree, she would disagree. Also, if there's a tie vote (we made BALLOTS), then we didn't want either of the winners. The Fat One wanted one of her stupid movies she brought up. So...the family would then change their vote. For "Mr. Deeds."

Definitely...not one of my favorites. But at the time, I pretended that it'd be a fine movie. I mean, it's one night out of my life. I'll be watching whatever I want later on...alone. "Mr. Deeds" it is.

"That's not a fair vote," The Fat One repeated. What wasn't fair? But that's enough of me complaining about the Fat One.

~~

After the first four days...about the first four days...nobody even bothered waking me up for lunch. So I stared at the clock while my body adjusted to being awake and then got up when I couldn't lay down any longer. So, around 2p.m. everyday. Pathetic.

I'd get up and eat...what would I eat? Probably cereal or something. Cereal crumbs one morning, I remember, finishing Raisin Bran.

So after that I would look at the sun and ask the sky "Why?" The sun hurts. But I'd say "Bring it on," and walk out anyways. I had two books. One I gave a good try..."A Pirate Looks at Fifty," by Jimmy Buffett. The life of sailing and fishing just didn't grab me as it should have. Where he would fly to, though, that interested me since he and I have been to a few of the same places. He did inspire me to become a plane captain and I will be getting a pilot's license to learn how to fly off and onto the water. He made it sound hard. And dangerous. Since he crashed. "Danger," I say? That's my middle name: Crashed.

I put the book down. And I picked up an emergency book that I always keep up there in case. In an emergency, I read..."Doom." Novels based on the hit video game. Yeah. Exciting? I doubt it. I read the first ten chapters, which included two different stories about the escape of the two main characters. I guess the escape took place at the end of the previous novel. I was reading book 3. There were descriptions of a perfectly proportioned topless girl who was telling the stories on a beach in Hawaii. I guess the world is ending and Hawaii is the safest place...and it's Hawaii.

The rest of the week was quite uneventful except there were two nights that had really beautiful lightning storms. The first one lasted about two hours or more, and it was just so awesome looking. It started over the lake and the whole family and I slowly moved around the house to keep up with where it was going. The most amazing strikes ended up being behind our house. The second lightning storm interrupted the viewing of "Speed," which is one of the coolest action movies that I've seen lately. I just bought it on tape...for $1.50 at my local video store. The second storm was rainy when the first one wasn't at all. The second storm...not something you'd wanna be in walking down our dark town street or on the beach.

Earlier that night, my family had a bon fire at a neighbor's house. It was fun. It was an experience. Bon fires on the lake are not something anyone can enjoy. But the neighbor's had a son who had been in New York that day and were in front of The Late Show cameras, dancing while being prayed with water. So everyone had to watch that, and I thought we were all gonna go up to the house to see it. So I quickly when home to get marshmallow off of my arm and came back.

Coming back, it was obvious that everyone had left to go up to the house. The fire was out and I couldn't even find it. I must have spent about five minutes looking for it, since it was away from the beach and hidden in the beach grass. Then I went up to our neighbor's house. This neighbor is about 6 houses down from us, to give you kind of an idea how far from home I was.

It turned out that everyone had gone to their own house, including my family, and I had to walk home alone...down our dark town street after walking on the beach. Scary? Not at all. Our neighborhood is the most pleasant. Except there are coyotes and bears and wolves and raccoons that would all give a mean bite if they were hunting that late at night.

~~

But now I'm home. I've kinda been feeling left out of a trip to Cedar Point since I was invited a while ago. I'm not accusing Brady of forgetting about me or not wanting me to go, but damnit. Justin's there now, so I couldn't bring Justin's movies back to him today. We went out and he bought "Halloween" on DVD. And left it in my car after we went to our town Green House for a party.

~~

And today I learned...possible why I have a curfew. 11:00p.m. curfew seems stupid to me. Too early, of course. My mom, today, asked if there was drinking. Or smoking. She thinks I smoke, yet she pointed out that she can't smell anything on me.

No, I don't smoke. I am against smoking. I don't hang out with people who smoke. Smoking makes you look like a...something. A scrub...came to mind, YOU SCRUB! Or you can look like a movie star. Or a rock star. Or maybe it can make you feel like a rock star or a movie star. But it's sick.

No, I don't drink. Not even my family is worth getting drunk over. Nothing else would cause me to drink. I don't get into fights, I'd much rather tell a person that they weren't worth getting into a fight with. Nobody's worth killing myself over, either. Who's worth starting to smoke? I'm awful when getting pressure from my friends and some other peers, but not when it comes to drinking or smoking.

Or having sex. No, I don't go out and have sex either. Seriously, there's no reason for my having a curfew. No, I don't go out drag racing either! I'm a good driver...or a safe driver. I try not to go over the speed limit, I can get myself from one place to another without dying.

Well, so far I haven't died. Accidents happen.

But I'm swears saying "Fuck" than the guy who always says "fuck." invincible.

~~

Diana told me, up north, that I say the word "Definitely" a lot. It's a powerful word, is it not? But no word is powerful if you use it too much. I mean, you're more afraid of the guy who never It's like when there's a man yelling at the cashier. The cashier stays quiet while being yelled at until one day...he can't help but freak out and kill everyone in the grocery store.

Implosive and Explosive.

But yeah, the word "definitely" annoys me now, because I notice that I do say it too much.

I'm definitely tryin to cut down.

~~

AND now!...I'm trying to get this entry into the internet...I swear to God there's a virus in this shit. My sister's downloaded FREE music, and...ever since, I've been having so much trouble. I was just saying my "F" word...yelling, as a matter of fact, and noticed my sister is in the house. And I feel like shit. Because...I don't swear in this house.

I'm still the better person, though. She swears AT people.

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