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Break up Journal # 4
2011-02-22, midnight

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

They are the same.
Vicky and Kasey. I don't care for either of them. I hope for the best for both of them. Third time is the charm for me. Rule of threes, right?
I am meant to be a good husband and father. Vicky was high school. Young and immature. Kasey was for me to find what I want. I could have ended up with either of them. Now I'm smarter. Been through heartbreak. I am stronger. Better man to be a dad. Cuddly husband. Loving. Sensitive. Sexual. Horny.
I imagine a fine girl in her undies. Our bedroom has turqouise walls. Satin sheets of blue. Black and blue throw pillows. We throw them off. We read together. We talk. We kiss goodnight and I can call asleep with her everynight as I watch Conan. After I have dozed off, she strokes my dick until I get hard enough for her to fuck me. A few weeks later she finds out she is pregnant. I am so happy, and become her slave.
She loves me, though.
She wants me.
She can't help herself.
She is in love.
...and so am I. For the first time. We had an amazing first kiss, by the way.
The mysogynist is the greatest of all lovers. The misogynist is monogamous. Never forget what love is. Never forget what you can lose.

I saw Dr. Brouwer.
She said I want to control the situation
I can't.
I can't control Kasey.
I need to focus on myself.
If Kasey were there she would say we weren't compatible.
Doctors.
Kasey wants to have fun.
Once she settles down she won't have fun.
She doesn't think about sex.
Doesn't care about anybody but herself.
No social life.
She was perfect for me, haha.
I wasn't perfect for her.
One more appointment?

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