Turns out she went to the casino with the boyfriend she was with before me. CJ and Jessica, I think. She slept at her mom's. She's going out tonight. To a bar...something starts at eight...drinking competition...she'll be drinking, surely. Told me if she's drunk enough, he will drop her off at the house. Why not get drunk enough? God knows how many times I've been drunk.
Went to Jimmy's the other night with Jeff and Allie. She got so drunk, I heard vomit on the stairs. Then she and Jimmy made out. He likes her. He likes another girl too. He'll take what he can get. I hope it's not her virginity. For her sake.
My head spun while watching South Park. That was a fun night, though...lots of talking...and drinking...Jeff told me about he and Kaley. A year and a half. Her moods keep him on his toes. He loves it.
It's about time Kasey gets a life, though...she's out of the house...
Talked my movie talk though...she asked what I'd seen lately.
Since I've been out of Panera, I have been renting movies.
Turns out the same night I watched "Scott Pilgrim vs. the World," she watched half of it with CJ and Jessica before she had to leave. CJ apparently has hair down to his tits now. Really let himself go.
"That's what you do to men."
"Yeah, my goal in life is to ruin men's lives."
I told her I think we will be good.
"Maybe in 3 years."
That's how long it took her and CJ to be good? I think I see what she meant now...but I corrected myself...
"You will be good. I will be good."
"Who's pants are these?"
"I thought they were yours."
"Don't you think it's a little weird to have someone elses pants in the house?"
"I do now. I thought they were yours, only reason I brought them in."
"Ah."
"Am I going to become unattractive like CJ?"
She's not attracted to me.
"Am I ugly to you?"
"Oh, no...I just don't find you attractive?"
"Why not?"
"Just because I'm like that."
Makes me wonder...if we were doing well...would Jake be so attractive?
In the end...
I got what I wanted. Didn't I?
I didn't want to be with her.
I don't want to live my life not ever knowing the future.
I got pretty damn comfortable with that lifestyle, didn't I?
Not only did I get what I wanted...
...but I learned the lesson, too.
That's amazing.
Too many people, like Kasey, will get over a relationship without learning anything from it. They don't get anything out of it.
I almost missed out. I had thought I was done learning.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love.
...and be loved in return.
Most importantly...evolution is always wanting more. It's natural. Don't put more into something than what you get out of it. We weren't evolving. We weren't getting anything from each other. We weren't going anywhere. Let her go.
Grow up. I need to grow up.
I just wish I didn't find her attractive.
But maybe where I've been is a sign of where I'm going.
Signs are real. Love is real. She's out there. Probably with some guy right now. If only I could be so jealous. I haven't met her, but I haven't met the guy she's with either.
Hope is all you need.
| | Back to Top
Quote of the Day: