Letter from the Future
2011-03-16,

God damn it, Pamela, these past few days for some reason...I'm just killin myself over this. Living with someone who hates you, loves someone else, and whom I love...its really taking its toll. I wish I could tell someone else...I don't want Kasey to know...I'm stronger around her, but I get that strength because of her. When she's gone...I hate myself. I'm sorry I feel this way. I'm sorry I'm telling you. I've never felt so weak in my life.I don't want to think about a day I never get to see her. I wonder if this would be happening if I had been a better boyfriend. I've always been sorry for what happened to CJ, but I can't believe this is still happening. I don't know how to escape. I don't know how to leave. I don't know how to control my feelings. I'm sorry I'm sending you this...but I need to tell you that I'm not a man without her. It's pathetic. She makes me feel pathetic...I don't know how to win, here...I've been fine for weeks, but now I want this to be over. The only way I know I can be happy right now is with her. I don't want to be a friend. I don't want to be an ex of hers. Who else wants what she wants?

First day at factory job. Everyone I talked to has worked there for two years and seen lots of new people come and go.
Who...cares...

I received this letter from my future self:
Dear Sad and Lonely Christopher,
I must say that I don't envy you. You were lucky to get out and get away and I thank you for your strength in getting me where I am. I would not be here if it weren't for you but more importantly you have two really smart kids who wouldn't be...at all....without you....
The truth is...Kasey wasn't ready for you. She was young like you but not nearly mature. You will find someone who is smart.Smarter than you, even, although lets face it...not hard to find. That's a good thing, but you're still lucky. Without Kasey, you wouldn't know even an idea of what perfect is. Kasey was perfect, but set the bar for perfect pretty damn low. Now the smart someone is one you trust to be smart. She doesn't only think of only herself, yet she is independent. She can make herself happy but you make her so much happier. She needs you there and you need her even more. You will never take her for granted because of this. Don't even take for granted that you will find her. You have to look.
Never lose hope
Things will get better, even if all you do is get over it. I won't tell you what I think about that whole thing...you will have to see for yourself. She made bad choices. Nobody else has anything to prove to her. She is who she is, and no matter what or who she is in love with, she will never change. She lies to herself and makes her believe she is happy...but it never lasts forever, not with swomeone who doesn't evolve. She goes through the same thing she did with you and with CJ. It's good riddance to her, trust me.
Love yourself now.
So somebody else can.
So God can.
Don't feel sorry.
I don't.
While you would have convinced yourself you were happy if she took you back and you would have focused on your future, you would have learned and realized there wasn't much there. You didn't have a future with her. You broke up with her for a reason (or wanted to). You weren't getting anything. It was just not a rewarding relationship.
Never put in more than what you get out.
Remember that for all relationships.
You did not put in too much. Three years was storybook, and all it took, for you to realize what love is. Now, true love is what you have yet to find. It is a million times better, did the math there, and you will find it. Kasey won't.
True love isn't something you just find. It's something you earn. It's something you lied to yourself about having with Kasey. Don't forget, we want what we can't have because its too good for us. It's what our mind sees and what it wants. It's imagination. Don't trust your imagination. There are better things than having your dreams realized. That's what Kasey was to you, but they were her dreams. It happened for a reason, and now you know what you want, now the bar is set. Of course, perfection is hard to find, but knowing it doesn't exist makes it a comforting thought.
Thank you
Thank you for reading this
I know it helped...and I wouldn't be here for you without it.
Forget about her for a while.
Delete her
Hate her
She doesn't deserve what you're capable of. She deserved worse than what you were to her.
You've paid for it.
By the way, Pamela is still a second mother to you. You call her every once in a while. Kasey asks about you.
-You know who

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