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Karla, Come to Jesus (Excorcism)
2016-09-09, 10:20 pm

WARNING!!!! If you know me personally, you may read my diary, but if you do, you take the chance of reading things you don't want to know, misunderstanding what I've written and being hurt by it. If you are unsure if it is okay to read, save yourself, and me, the grief and heartache, and ask first!!! Please note that this is a DIARY, I.E. my subjective feelings, hearsay, suppositions, and outpourings of ranting of the moment. It does not represent objective news, the whole of what I think of a topic or someone, or even a thought-out representation of any of the above. This I hope you keep in mind, and thank you for reading.

Karla, come to Jesus.

*have a bible*

Give me some time, and you can be angry with me, but just know that this anger is hate and hate is evil. I want to kind of perform an exorcism.
Let us try to be calm.
Let us hear what I believe to be wisdom. From your book of wisdom, okay?

Sense this room. There is nothing to fear. Nothing to bring harm to you. Just cushy seats and nice lighting and nice art on the wall. Now block out any feeling. No thinking. Nothing to do right now. No test tomorrow, no studying tonight. No worries about yesterday. There is only right now. Feel yourself breathing. Feel...your fingers together. Feel your toes twinkle...whatever that means. Make something up haha.

My mom used to use relaxation techniques on me to get me to sleep. "Hear the ocean," she'd say. "Listen to the waves." We don't need our imaginations. We just need to feel alive. There is no mortgage right now. There is no job to do. There is no business to attend to. There is no life situation. There is only life. There is no then or when...there is only now. I wish you could feel the joy of being, but maybe I'm keeping you from it. So feel your contempt for me. Feel your desire for me to be gone right now. Feel your loss of focus, acknowledge it...and just listen...because I want you to feel and be honest about your feelings...

Recognize your fear and anger boiling. This is wonder about what I'm going to say and contempt for me because whatever I say, I'm wrong and you'll reject it. These are good feelings. I hope I prove them to be wrong, because I'm coming from a place of love. And I don't mean this to be an attack of any sort.

The easily angered are foolish. They are of the devil because they live by their egos. The ego is quick to judge. Quick to be defensive always. Quick to protect itself from perceivable

And if I'm wrong, then maybe you won't be angry. I'm assuming you'll be angry...you have a big ego. So do I...but maybe I'll just be wrong, and you can think I'm wrong, and that's okay, but just know that I'm trying to do a good thing and I don't mean to hurt you or harm you or offend you. I do not mean to attack you, and if you feel that I attack you in any way, tell me, just say..."please." And let me explain. Let me go slow, and if you feel any heat or hate or anger, just say "please." But I beg you to listen.

Jesus represents the consciousness. When he is born he is raised clearly to understand the scrolls, the "scripture of the day," as it were. So he is educated. Maybe he can't read or write, or else our Bible would be very different, but he is a teacher. He is a very moral teacher, but he's the new guy. So imagine having very strict teachers in school, lots of rules and regulations and commandments and lots of fear and anger from those guys. Lots of prophecies. Then the new guy comes in to fulfill them, and he's this hip new guy with long hair and sandals and he's very progressive. Suddenly, we are getting new perspective and he pays respect to the old guys, but brings a new philosophy as well. And he gives us a choice, too. We can still choose to be afraid of the coming darkness...we can embrace the warnings and depend on them...or we can change the outcome by not being anxious, like he advises, by trusting in him, believing in him, and embracing eternal life.

Jesus represents the possibility of consciousness.
Living in love, and finding joy, and finding peace.
"Seek and Ye shall find" does not mean looking for peace...it means finding peace where it already is and always was. My relaxation technique can allow it. It does for me. No life situation. Just life.

The ego is Satan, and it is the devil in us that casts judgment. That's the God of this world, as it is presented in Corinthians, and this world is unfortunately where we live. It is reality, but living completely by our egos will destroy us and damn us and make us miserable. My goal is to break down your ego, and you know I have one as well. But it's easy to do for me. And breaking down the ego is living in God.

Being conscious. Am I full of crap or what?

Here's a parable, and I want you to share with me your interpretation. This isn't a test and no matter what you say, you're not wrong, okay? I'm not judging you, okay?
The ego tells us when we are being judged, and the ego hates being judged, but being conscious means we don't care who judges us. And the consciousness doesn't judge, which is what Jesus means by "do not judge, do not condemn," these are not commandments. These are tools to live in the now.

Matthew 25 - Ten Virgins
What did you get from this?

Live in the now.

Do not scheme over God's plan.
Let's see how Jesus' brother applied the wisdom of Jesus.

James 5:13-17
Judge me based on that. Am I a good father?
Am I a liar?
Do I deceive for my own satisfaction?
Am I scheming? Or prophesying?

Define what it means to have a prophecy.

In Corinthians, it says where there are prophecies, they will cease...in love. What does this mean?
It means to have expectations.
Let go.
In love, we let go.

We need not be evil towards each other. You are the self-righteous and I'm only telling you out of love. I'm not warning you, I don't believe you're bound for hell, but from your own perspective, I believe you are damning yourself. And because you believe in contradictions, because you lie to yourself, you may never wake up, and you may take Corrie and Chandler with you.

My hope is that you'll love me and see me as a real man for Corrie. My hope is that you won't focus on the root of all evil, money, and my hope is that you'll stop poisoning Corrie's mind and keeping her hateful. Corrie is hateful...but you are the source of that. I'm not using you as a scapegoat, but when we were happy...when we were great and actually in love, and we were, what did you say?
Now make him commit.
You create drama.
Our relationship is diseased...but you are the disease.
I wish you would leave her alone, but I don't want that. You have to embrace and accept. Now I know what I'm dealing with, and she's brainwashed...and easily persuaded.
My hope is that love prevails and overcomes your hate and misery and depravity and fear.
Can we talk about love verses hate?
I have one more parable.
Matthew 25:31

Above all, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe Jesus was wrong. Maybe he was crucified for no reason and sin will continue to have an affect on this planet, but there's a beautiful thing in saying "I don't know."
(You may think you know, but do you believe in aliens? Cuz there have been a million reports of seeing aliens since the seventies.)
And that's why you should know I'm a great dad. Because I will allow Chandler the comfort of saying "I don't know." It creates a sense of wonder. And if we fear answers or fear not knowing, then we start to think in contradictions and say things we don't know to be true or factual. That's the human spirit, we can all wonder together.

You may believe Chandler is a sinner and make him believe he is broken somehow. I disagree, and I actually think he's an angel. Jesus' parents were not married the moment he was conceived, either, right?
If we can learn to love each other, those disagreements are okay. We can accept...which is love...difference in opinion.
You believe Chandler is a sinner. I don't believe that. But the beautiful thing is that we don't know. Neither of us knows.
You have your bible, your scripture that says in Deut 23:2 nobody born from an illegitimate marriage shall enter the kingdom of heaven.
I have my bible that says John 3:16 whoever believes in him shall not perish and have eternal life...and to me, this is whether or not they are married, whether or not they are gay, black, or virgins. For God so loved the world, right?

Is it two sides of the same coin?
We cannot both believe in him and perish...okay?
We have to choose.
It's love or hate.
It's good or evil.
It's right or wrong.

Let us...love...choose love...and if you cannot be accepting, you cannot love, and therefore, you just don't really believe in Jesus or his word.
You'll damn yourself, and you'll take Corrie and Chandler with you. Misery loves company, as they say.
You can believe what you want, you think in contradiction...but I really wish love would overcome hate.

1st Letter of John says "God is love and those who live in love live in God."
Of course, Paul says "for all have sinned and all fall short of the glory of God."

All things are possible with God, but you can't think in contradiction. God is either not all loving or he is not all powerful. He he either a just God or a forgiving one. Either there are foods that are unclean, as in the Old Testament, or all foods are clean, as declared by Jesus. We can't have it both ways. We either are strictly dedicated to the Ten Commandments or the two given by Jesus. There are not twelve commandments. We know the Old Testament gives more than ten, anyway.
For you, though...you can't think it's all correct, you have to choose. Love or evil. The whole bible...or the teachings of Jesus, which respects the prophets, and fulfills their laws.
For me, it's either Jesus or you're wrong.
We try to be like him, not just use his sacrifice to feel a sense of salvation. Feelings are great, but we need to be rational as well.

There's the emotional mind...and the rational mind. To balance...to equal them...we use the mind of wisdom...to the best of our abilities.

Do you feel hate towards me right now?
I'm not asking for love.
I need to earn it, still.
Once I earn it, though, it will never cease. It will never fail. This is how we know I had never earned it.

It will be hard to let it go, but the ego does not need to think for you. It wants to keep you stubborn when Jesus inspired submissiveness. Give in to reality. Accept life situations. Many people think their life situation IS life itself.
You should think for yourself. Wake up. Be free.
You can be a good person. I know it.
You've helped a lot of people.
But Corrie is afraid, and I'm failing at trying to inspire peace, and I make mistakes, and I'm going to continue to not be perfect.
But you know I'm a good Papa.
You know I'm a good person.
You know Corrie and I hope for the same things.
A house, a bunch of dogs, the best for Chandler, a real life. Peace. Joy. Love.
What more do you really expect from me?
I choose love.
I choose good.
I choose right.
Does this make me self-righteous?
You may think so, but I have to do things by my best judgment. I have to live by my principles.
That's where you should trust me and not see me as a threat. If Corrie complains, listen, but I wish you wouldn't validate hate or negativity. And you know you have. It makes her miserable. I've seen her happy...and I've seen her in love...I've seen her living in the moment.
I'm strong.
I've sacrificed
(left life in Michigan and trusted Corrie, left my dog with my parents for her dogs, supported her decision to have a baby, spent everything I saved in Texas to put us in a position to start a life, left a job that would have supported us during a transition, I will raise Chan to be Christian when I would rather him discover his own wisdom and come to his own truth)
Being a Christian is about sacrifice. You should at least know that.

I've been submissive.

And I'm focused on me. And I'll inspire good for my family. That's what this is all about, you focus on you, and Corrie can focus on herself. And then that's all Chandler has to think about. Himself. And he will grow beyond that...and he will inspire love and peace and joy in others...

...and maybe you can, too. All it takes is to be present in the moment. Then, the only thing can can come of it are decisions made in love. You will see true joy and ultimate peace.


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