Karla, you're doing an evil thing. You've lead her to believe that the man who loves Chandler more than anyone else in the world is not good enough for her. You're making her be selfish just as you are. You know it's between my love and your misery. You're a depraved individual and you're damned and you're going to take Corrie and Chandler with you because you fear hell to be a lonely place.
They'll be forced to worship you like Rodney does.
You know I'm right and that's a threat to you.
I'm the good in this world, and you can stigmatize me as "perfect" or "self righteous," but you know that I'm right and represent true love...and you don't want Corrie to have it because you never loved her. You don't love her and you don't love Chandler, and they'll suffer like Corrie has suffered and become anxious and depressed and hateful and has no self-esteem and has no confidence and has no passion in life and no drive to better herself because you've kept her stupid because you are stupid and you're an anti-intellectual who has always been miserable and misery loves company, doesn't it?
The sick thing is you'll call me judgmental, but you know I speak the truth. Let her go. Let her wake up.
Corrie, do you really believe your mother loves Chandler more than I do? You've never even known true love. You've told me that and your mom has told me that. I asked if you've ever been happy, you said you didn't know and she said you were with Will for a while. Well, SHE was happy with Will for a while, but he gained control and your mother lost it. He became a threat. And now I've become a threat.
I love Chandler.
I love you.
Your mother talks about what SHOULD BE, I'm telling you what COULD BE...and that's that Chandler has his loving father. I'm a strong father, and you could be a strong mother, but you just have to wake up. Your mother will let you go...you will become confident, strong, independent, passionate, and you can experience true love, joy, and peace. The greatest of these is love...if you would just want it! But you have to wake up.
She's miserable and will take you down with her. And Chandler, too.
You have to teach your mom how to love.
All she knows is hate and depravity.
Micah 7:8
The Lord has shown you what is good:
This is what the Lord requires:
To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly.
Corrie has to choose:
Love or Misery.
Her faith is in misery. "I don't know if I believe everything happens for a reason. I have never felt love, I'm not sure I even know what it really is. I've never been happy."
Misery can bring the lie that makes us believe we are happy...happiness becomes a feeling, however false, and it is constant because it is not real. It is never living in peace. "You can't promise Florida will bring us peace."
Peace and joy and love...these things are not valued.
"Karla, you're a piece of shit human who thrives on control and you're so narcissistic you'll force Corrie to live the same depraved life. Never knowing true joy or true peace or true love. You demand worship, and you have Corrie under your spell. I never believed a person could be evil until I really got to know you. Hell, I didn't even believe in hell before knowing you. Thanks for that.
You stigmatize righteousness and deny goodness. You're not a Christian, you have never followed Christ a single day in your life. You reject his message, and you're a hypocrite attending church. The sick thing is...you know this is true. And you still act ignorant. You're mentally ill, though. Your disorder is narcissism. Well, ignorance may not be a sin, but you have committed sin after sin in the eyes of Jesus because knowing right and doing wrong is exactly that. You know better, you just reject it.
This is why, on your wedding day to John, your father wanted him living with you would be hell. Rodney gave me a similar warning about Corrie.
I believe you're trying to take Corrie to hell with you just because you don't want to be alone. Misery loves company, and you're a miserable human. You're damned, Karla, and you have a false sense of salvation ("The Sinners Prayer?" "The Prayer of Salvation?" That's all that matters to you? That's all that matters to Corrie because that's what she was taught. By YOU! You don't understand a single message that Christ taught and wouldn't understand a parable even if it were explained to you by Christ himself. In fact, you'd have him crucified today especially if it meant you didn't have to know you were damned).
And you lie to yourself constantly because all of your logic depends on contradiction. This is why you can never make up your damned mind. You know I'm a good father, and you want me out of Chandler's life. That's why I'm a threat, though. Because I am good. Because I am loving. Because I don't fear you. Because I don't revere you.
And Corrie is so indoctrinated just for the sake of your control. She's admitted to me she doesn't know what love is and never has. She's admitted to me she doesn't know what happiness feels like and never has. She was never convinced that peace was possible...because you were in the back of her mind.
Ever since Michigan, she had lost faith almost completely. We were doing great! And then you put it in her mind that she should feel bitter for me not proposing. Then we were engaged! And you made her feel guilty for leaving.
And I'm your scapegoat. I get the blame for EVERYTHING. It's taught that we have a diseased relationship when you are the disease, the negativity, the doubt, the fear...
I've felt the abuse that your children have come to know (Travis acknowledges it, Corrie never woke up to it, and maybe she doesn't have to). I'm the one who didn't put his "pecker in a rubber." I'm the one who "forced" and "controlled" every detail to get us to Florida.
Now, I don't blame anyone...because I'm not a damned child who dispenses his responsibilities on other people, but it was my decision to stay in Austin and get an apartment. And Corrie also made love TO ME and chose to do so in trust and knew I loved her. She was pleasured by me in ways that you have never known (and ways she had never known before me) and you never let her enjoy it. You made her feel ashamed because you are not proud of her. She's disgusted by her own body because of you. Or do you blame her for that?
Do you blame your children for their troubles?
Is everything their fault?
You put your pride above God. And you force Corrie to put you above God. She told me she doesn't "even know if everything happens for a reason."
She doesn't believe in God.
She doesn't follow Christ.
She thinks she does...
But Corrie hasn't opened a bible a single once in the entire time I've known her. Why? Because you're her God. You teach her the scripture she needs to know. You are the one who demands worship...because if she doesn't worship you, you will reject her and deny her and guilt her and shame her. Just like the God you believe in, right?
"Love me or burn in hell?"
Is that love?
You've done it her whole life. You taught her to be afraid. And it's why she has no confidence, it's why she's anxious, and it's why she's hateful. It's why she watches only happy things...and rejects scary things...it's why she lives in fantasy...it's why she feels entitled to an easy life...idle is ideal.
I've seen the goodness in her, but rather than facing her problems, you've taught her to give up. "It's the man's fault. All men are assholes."
And Chandler will be raised to be a little entitled shit just like you were. Spoiled and not loved. Shamed and not welcomed. Denied and not embraced.
You did the same to Corrie.
"She's always believed she was never smart enough," you told me, talking about college and Corrie. You blamed her...and never encouraged her. You demanded, you forced, you made rules...but you didn't show her the tools necessary...which she never knew she always had.
You don't like children. You're not good with kids. You hate everyone you meet but demand allegiance from your own family because you're depraved and alone and small and you're less and you're unworthy and you're wrong.
And you've been wrong your whole life.
And evil swallows those more righteous than they are.
Which is why I am an outcast.
You were thinking just a second ago "Well, Topher never went to college, perhaps his parents made him feel stupid, too." Nope. I was a rebel. Like Travis, I chose to travel and run away and pursue life. I made mistakes, absolutely. But because I don't regret my mistakes...you believe I think I'm "always perfect."
And you think I'm self-righteous because I know you've been wrong and done wrong your whole life.
Because you know I have no faith in you.
The only reason I don't...and the reason I have never had faith in you...is because Satan has never been present in my life. I have only known love and acceptance...and you may acknowledge I have had anger in my life...and that's true...but never...never have I known hate.
You live in hate. You live in fear. And you live in misery.
I have felt these things from you ever since we got pregnant. THAT'S why I have no faith in you.
Prove me wrong.
But you're taking Corrie down with you. And Chandler is the ultimate victim, and you'll damn yourself for eternity just because you're more comfortable in the darkness. Unfortunately for you, God's plan brought Corrie and Chandler to the light...literally, "The Sunshine State." And you couldn't just accept it. You're too stubborn.
Isaiah 30:1
"Woe to the obstinate children," the prophet declares. (Obstinate means stubborn and refusing to change one's opinion, which is also why I'm a threat to you...because you know I learn and evolve and grow in self-education)
"Woe to those who carry out plans that are not mine, forming an alliance, but not by my spirit, healing sin upon sin."
You can't get past the reality, though. "You're not living in God's plan," you say. "You're living in sin, and I am not proud of how you've been living."
This is your judgment of us...because we're not living "biblically."
What the fuck do you know?
Who do you think are you?
Who are you to judge?
You would tell Corrie you were proud, but never promoted her joy and reason to be proud. You kept her in the dark, and it started in Michigan. It was present in Texas, certainly. But when Corrie was with me and just me, she was in love...
I saw it (hope) in Florida, the first time we went.
She almost proposed to me that weekend.
Eventually she did propose...in a letter...but I didn't feel they were her words.
They were yours, weren't they?
I saw it (acceptance and appreciation) when she said "yes." Finally we were engaged!
I saw it (ambition) when she packed up her life in Texas. I saw it (enthusiasm) the trip up to Michigan. But then you took over. The farther away she was, the more your depravity and darkness and negativity and hatred and...just plain fear...ruled over you. And her.
Blame was your only strategy beyond that, because you were lost.
You are lost.
But you don't have to lose.
Nobody does.
Corrie can have her family.
She will always have you.
She will always have me, too, and you have to accept that.
Corrie can make a family of her own. She can have love and acceptance and joy and peace and dogs and a house and two guys that love and adore her and accept her and truly want her to be happy and joyful. But you have to let her see these things.
Otherwise, she will always invent problems.
Any stupid thing I say, she will latch onto and let it hurt her and she will obsess over it and become hateful...become wrath. Inspired by you.
"I would have slapped you," you said, as if you can't take a meaningless insult, as if you overthink and create meaning...as if you're in prison looking to pick a fight. The world does feel like a prison to you?
That's why your politics and outlook are based on the world ending. That's your escape.
Chandler is the higher power here. He is the greater purpose and the ultimate reality.
Love him.
Accept him. No matter what.
Accept his future.
Accept his family.
Accept his potential.
Accept that he will grow to love.
Accept that he will grow to love mercy.
Accept that he will grow to live justly.
Accept that he will walk humbly...with God.
(Micah 6:8)
Corinthians 13:
"Love is patient"...be calm.
"Love is kind"...be nice.
"It does not envy"...do not be jealous of God's plan.
"It is not proud"...do not put your pride above God's.
"It is not self-seeking"...do not take Chandler away from his loving Papa for your own gain. You've raised your children, let me raise mine.
"It is not easily angered"...don't seek to be offended.
"It keeps no record of wrongs"...be forgiving, merciful
"It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres"...love is unconditional. And you know that's what I'm capable of, and I will always accept Corrie and I'll always be a good father to Chandler. And I would destroy anyone who hurt them. I will never let harm come to them.
"Love never fails"...again, true love is unconditional because it is accepting. Acceptance is love.
"When I was a child," tells Paul, "I reasoned like a child and thought like a child and talked like a child."
It's time to grow up, Karla. You talk about how things "should be," with the marriage first and the house first and the job first...and then you proclaim I live in a fantasy. What you mean by that is that I hope for a future that you cannot fathom...one of love.
You talk about how things SHOULD have been...but say I live in a fantasy because I talk about things that COULD be...
You taught Corrie to be an idealist.
Well, I'm just an optimist.
Corrie was raised on television and imagined fictional characters existed in reality. I exist under these impossible standards because I'm no prince or hero...and you encourage her disappointment! Corrie sees the romance on TV and longs for fictional characters, and you don't say "They aren't real," you say "Topher is an asshole for not fulfilling your prophecies."
"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease. For we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part will disappear." Paul is saying that expectations will cease, and what "should be," as you say...will never happen. And you don't get it.
In your world, love does fail. You failed Corrie. You failed Travis. You failed Veronica. Because you didn't love them, you never loved them.
You do know I'm right and you think I use "righteousness" as power when the truth is you fear being powerless. But I don't proclaim power. I'm not controlling. You know this. Corrie has all the freedom she needs and wants (although money is tight, but should that matter SO much? Or does greed and desire overcome necessity and reality?)
It is a characteristic of a narcissist to want control and accuse the other of being controlling. That's all you do to me.
Corrie makes her own decisions...or at least she thinks she does, but it's not me in the back of her head. It's you. Yeah, you're controlling, I'm accusing you, calling you out...but the truth has set me free to do so.
"When I became a man," Paul goes on, "I put the ways of childhood behind me." This should be inspiration.
Let go. Grow up. Let Corrie grow up. Don't force her in a position and not give her the tools...I mentioned that earlier...
What are the tools?
"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." It's right there in Corinthians, it's love. It's acceptance of what is. Not what should be or even, for that matter, of what could be.
What is love? It is acceptance, and this is God's gift to the world...everyone.
1 John 4:7
"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God because God is love."
Will you continue to put yourself above God?
Or will your narcissistic brain disorder turn it around on me? Will you deny Corrie the opportunity to grow in love (and she's got a lot of work, thanks to you). Will you reject the love I have for Corrie?
You'll say I don't love her.
You'll say it isn't there.
And maybe you won't see that it is...you won't see that I've never given up...You won't see the love I have for Chandler. You'll say that I'm a good father, a loving father...sure, you've acknowledged these things as truth...but you'll deny Chandler that true love. You'll take it away from him knowing you cannot give as much as I can.
"Though seeing, they do not see,
Though hearing, they do not hear or understand."
This is why Christ speaks in parables.
This is why you don't get it.
This is why you're not a Christian.
But deep down...you know I'm right.
And you should be ashamed of yourself if you continue to do wrong, teaching Corrie hatred and only showing her darkness.
Why am I writing this?
John 15:24
If I had not done among them the works no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin. As it is, they have seen, and they have hated both me and my Father. 25 But this is to fulfill what is written in their law: 'They hated me without reason."
You say you don't hate me, but all evidence is to the contrary and you know I know better.
Do I hate you? Do I accept you?
You'll come up with your own reason.
You believe what you want to believe.
You think in contradictions.
It's why you can't ever make up your damned mind.
I do not fear your response to this.
(This is why I'm such a threat to you and exactly how you know I'm a true Christian, which makes you uncomfortable)
But now you know ... I know your sins.
And so does God.
Don't think this is persecution, Karla. I'm not saying this from a place of hate. You're a piece of shit, yes. You're deprived, yes. I think less of you, that's true. I'm a better person than you are, and you know it as well as I. But you have been wronged in this life. You have treated me poorly when I never rejected you, I never disrespected you, and I never insulted you on purpose, but the truth has come out, and it's brutal now, but you've asked for it. I don't mean to insult you, but I also don't want to continue in silence, because that would be wrong. And maybe I'm in the wrong, and maybe because your mind accepts contradiction, you know I'm right and you know I'm wrong. But I don't hate you. I don't feel hate as much as I want to hate you, I cannot. I'm incapable of hate. I'm not like you. I accept you the way you are.
"You're different, Topher."
That's true, you were right about that.
"Topher, you were not raised right."
That's among the worst of the dumbest things you've said. I told you it would be offensive to someone else, but your opinion does mean nothing to me. I don't fear it. I don't take it to heart. It offends me less than my feelings for a fly on my food. But I didn't forget it.
I don't blame you. You were a horrible mother. You are a horrible person. But this is how you were taught and how you were raised...it's how your parents were taught and raised...depravity was a constant theme in your childhood. But you do need to atone for your sins. You'll be forgiven. God accepts you.
(That's my belief, anyway, but you don't believe in an all-loving God, you believe in hell and Satan, and that's why I have almost no faith that you'll do the right thing for anyone but your God-damned-self)
I accept you, too.
Believe it or not.
I believe you'd be an unacceptable parent for Chandler...because you'll leave Corrie alone one day, and Chandler will always be lost with you.
I wouldn't take Corrie away from you.
That's not possible.
Corrie is her own person, and makes her own decisions and I support them 100%.
Even if she leaves me for her own self.
Any kind of mother would know that boy needs his father. He needs me. But maybe Corrie never wanted to be a mother and maybe she never will.
If she doesn't feel that Chandler needs me, then this is all for nothing. I believe in the truth and I believe in telling the truth.
I wish nobody had to be deprived, especially of love. I wish you didn't feel deprived of my acceptance for you. But that's another characteristic of your narcissism. Anybody who opposes you deserves to be smeared.
But that's where even Corrie and Rodney wouldn't dare upset you. They don't oppose you, they revere you. And in your fucked up mind, that's love.
But in true love, you can oppose each other.
In true acceptance, you can have civil discussions.
You never know, you might even learn something.
But you have to be accepting, and doing so could be the greatest thing you ever learn.
To love. And to be loved in return.
And I can think of no greater influence...than that kind of a Nana for Chandler. "We should all try to be more like your mom," you once told me in regards to the fact that my mom thinks before she speaks. Well, you start with acceptance. Start with love."
Is "piece of shit" meant not to be an insult?
Did I hear that right?
"Well, I was told that when she was born, she came out of the asshole."
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