9-5
Mom:
Chandler needs both of his parents in a warm loving environment.
My response:
He was never going to have that, Karla didn't allow it. That's where I was ignorant...I didn't believe people were incapable of thinking for themselves. I didn't believe in evil or hatred.
I failed to show Corrie what love was, but had I done so, Karla would have had to give up control, and I never made Corrie comfortable with that idea.
(I didn't really know what I was up against...I was too focused on rationalization and never understanding her irrational behavior)
I was too focused on rationalizing ... even about her irrational behavior ... and it wasn't irrational, it was just hate. I didn't believe in it. I felt it, but rejected it.
So I learned to accept hate is a reality. That's what she taught me. But making the hateful feel accepted...that's where I failed. Karla fuels it so much that Corrie can ignite it...and I would try to put out the flames with a wash cloth rather than letting them die down.
~
They believe the world is mostly evil.
Chan will be lead down the depraved path towards darkness, and there is no helping his captors unless Chandler takes them on himself. And he may choose merely to accept them rather than teach them. There is no teaching them, there is only them choosing to learn. And once they are ready, Chandler will be ready to teach them how to love.
One day there will be a weekend within a week up north with Papa and Nono. Perhaps it is cold, but there will be enough fresh air to think and hear and feel and see. Chandler will be with loving company and he will ask about it.
"Why are you so kind and loving?"
Because the world is mostly kind and mostly loving.
Papa realized it too late, but hate was not acceptable because Papa never believed in hate. True hate is the evil of our imaginations, and we are all capable of its elements, but accepting it as a reality was beyond his wildest thoughts. He thought evil was only in fairy tales, and he believed that they believed in fairy tales when they said "evil exists."
It's true, evil does exist, and learning to accept that is a necessary journey for many people. Your Papa wishes nobody had to learn it, but the good people can live in ignorance as well.
Papa was ignorant of many things, and learning the extent of our ignorance is a sign of intelligence.
So...how do we know when they are ready to learn?
Their questions will be answered by themselves, "do you hear this bullshit?"
Accept their evil. Accept their hate. They have the right to believe what they want. They have to want to not be miserable anymore. They have to be able to lose that comfort they know so well...
Fear is their salvation.
To not need saving...is to save ourselves.
"So, my boy, the truth is inside you, and you can accept what you want to accept. You can change your mind a thousand times throughout your lifetime. Fear or knowing? Evil or good? Hate or love? What do you see? What do you accept?
Answer me not.
I need not know the answer.
Because no matter what, you'll be accepted.
You know you have my love unconditionally.
Any evil thing you do, I'll be there to help bury the body, but here's the catch: I won't kill for you. I would have done that already, but evil cannot overcome evil. Evil is not infinite. There's an extent, there's only so much we can do in hate. It limits us only to keep us from love.
Love is infinite.
Statistics, if we look at the charts...prove...it is impossible for the world to be mostly hateful. The hateful can also be loving, and the loving cannot be hateful.
Why did your mother take you away from me?
She was limited. She lived in fear and hate.
And I couldn't do that. So...we had nothing in common. Had I lived in fear of losing you...we would have gotten married...and I would never be the father that I am now. I'm free to say anything...and because of that, you're able to hear anything, see anything, feel anything.
Everything I've learned in this life, I've learned for you and because of you, and I became stronger because I could see myself through your eyes. Your mother sees herself through her mother's eyes, or tries to, and her mother tells her to be selfish.
So...your mother sees herself as ugly.
She hates her body. Wants to change, but doesn't want to work to change it. When she was given money, she didn't save it for you, she changed her body. Is she happy now?
It's never good enough.
You are, though.
You are the light in this world.
And lights guide others unless they are unseen.
Many people are so comfortable in the darkness.
*present a donut and some fruit*
So...do you accept evil? Or is good all there is?
As long as there is mostly good, you will understand the balance you need. Take the donut.
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