There's been talk about the definition behind "slut" as if many people don't know what it means.
I believe there's a lot to the idea of labeling someone a "slut," but most of the time, it's a simple accusation based on appearance. Let me say right here and now than calling a woman anything derogatory is entirely disrespectful. I wouldn't even call a mean woman a "bitch."
When I think "slut," I'm thinking of a girl (absolutely nobody in particular) who is so proud of her "number" that she looks at having sex with multiple men more interestingly than the thought of having sex with one man.
If I met someone who was proud to be a "slut," I would unfortunately be judging her based on her feelings towards men. I immediately think no man is going to be good enough for her. I immediately think that the man she does settle down with will have to succumb to the fact that his girl will never be just "his girl." For being in a relationship doesn't make you owned in the first place. It should, however, make you respected.
I, personally, am proud of my sex life (more so if I were having more), but this does not make me a slut. I'm open about my sex life. THIS does not make me a slut. I'm willing to walk the streets with an unbuttoned shirt and I'm more than happy to walk outside without pants on. These things don't make me a slut...because I'm a GUY!
These things don't make me a slut because I'm human like the rest of us. I'm not the guy who complains about a woman breastfeeding in front of a Target. I honestly don't mind a woman who takes advantage of the 1992 law in New York and goes topless anywhere they want, like Moira Johnston did herself (although I think she was doing it only because it wasn't against the law).
I think the female body is beautiful. Yes, when I look at porn, I sometimes prefer how panties are teasing even when they're all a woman wears, but that's my imagination taking over and turning me on in an alternate way. Sue me.
In discussion about a pair of women who started a radio podcast titles "Guys We Fucked," I apparently had a controversial view of the whole thing:
I wondering if our world will be doomed.
I can't imagine living in a world where sex is not sacred and is shared. Listening to the girls for a few minutes (also a chore), I felt like a conservative not wanting the world to evolve into what they want for the world, and for women. I'm wondering if these girls just have no respect.
Or maybe they don't respect other people.
Or they just don't respect their family.
I thank God that I just found out I'm having a boy this summer.
The following took place on Facebook:
Anna Ruth Solomon Uh. Wow.
9 hours ago � Like
Topher Allen Elaborate.
9 hours ago � Like
Topher Allen Please
9 hours ago � Like
Topher Allen I just think "Guys we F*cked" would be an obscene concept for a radio show let alone having that title itself.
9 hours ago � Like
Shian Yu I literally can't believe you just said that.
about an hour ago � Like � 3
Topher Allen Well, I'm interested in what you think I said...or maybe I'm not understanding the concept of the show.
Let me at least clear up the fact that I'd be happy either way, no matter what, my child would be loved enough and I wouldn't have to worry about them becoming someone that didn't have respect for either their own body or anyone else.
I guess I didn't mean that last part in any context...(I did not literally thank God that my kid's a boy).
...but I am worried about what it might mean to be a woman in years to come if there was no such thing as being a slut.
It's not okay with me, personally, to be a slut.
I don't disrespect sluts...but it's not something I would care to know about anyone, I guess.
about an hour ago � Edited � Like
Shian Yu I didn't realize you had such misogynistic views.
about an hour ago � Like
Topher Allen Yeah, you took it the wrong way. Haha, I wasn't clear until now.
about an hour ago � Like
Shian Yu I'm pretty sure I understand you perfectly clearly.
about an hour ago � Like
Topher Allen I'm 100% sure you didn't, sir.
about an hour ago � Like
Anna Ruth Solomon http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.../rape-culture_b_3279668...
The Important Word We Need To Talk About
www.huffingtonpost.com
These are very complex and nuanced issues, and it's impossible to cover them in such a short piece of writing. However, I believe that talking about them and opening up a dialogue is the first and most important step in eradicating them.
about an hour ago � Like
Anna Ruth Solomon http://windsorindependent.com/slut-shaming-victim.../
Slut-Shaming and Victim-Blaming: Rape Culture in Today�s World
windsorindependent.com
On the night of August 11, 2012 a 16-year old intoxicated and unconscious girl from Steubenville, Ohio was undressed, repeatedly raped, carried from party to party, photographed, recorded, laughed at, and today, she is receiving major public shame for allegedly destroying the lives of her assailants...
about an hour ago � Like
Topher Allen Love it. In the first paragraph, "They don't even seem to know that they are saying." Perhaps this is true with me...
about an hour ago � Like
Topher Allen ...and let it be known that I do not identify with "rape culture."
about an hour ago � Like
Anna Ruth Solomon Ughhhhhhh. Like your feelings dictate reality.
about an hour ago � Like � 1
Anna Ruth Solomon "I feel like I'm not perpetuating sexual violence so I refuse to listen to logic. Logic is scarrrryyy."
about an hour ago � Like � 1
Topher Allen Just because I don't personally condone being a slut it doesn't mean I would reprimand someone or even bring it up or even engage in slight repugnance about the entire issue to them or anyone. My feelings are still caring or even love for these and all women. The logic isn't backwards, I'm literally only speaking about what these girls are advertising in a show called "Guys we F*cked."
I don't think the plain fact that these girls, nor Miley Cyrus, nor The Girls Next Door, nor Lindsay Lohan will NOT be welcome as "role models" to my kids should be a stigmatized idea.
about an hour ago � Like
Shian Yu
Shian Yu's photo.
about an hour ago � Like
Topher Allen
Topher Allen's photo.
about an hour ago � Like
Shian Yu There have got to be more relevant things for you to be concerned about than what's written on a little girl's shirt.
about an hour ago � Like
Anna Ruth Solomon Weird that you would even think Miley Cyrus would be an option for children at this point, and it's really not because she's a "slut." Let's allow for some mental capacity in life.
about an hour ago � Like � 1
Topher Allen I think my point is simple, but I feel like the bad guy. I'll focus on how my boy's gonna respect girls and women no matter what they choose to do because he's gonna follow his daddy's lead.
When it comes time a girl wants his respect, she'll still have to earn it for as long as she wants it.
That part may not be so simple.
Like the fact that you pulled Miley Cyrus out as if "The Girls Next Door" is an option for children.
about an hour ago � Like
Shian Yu If you will be the one teaching your son how to respect women, he won't.
about an hour ago � Like � 1
Topher Allen I'm completely offended.
59 minutes ago � Like
Anna Ruth Solomon Hahahhaha^
O wait, that's sad.
59 minutes ago � Unlike � 2
Anna Ruth Solomon I mean, you could be offended, or you could stop perpetuating rape culture. Good luck!
57 minutes ago � Like � 1
Shian Yu Better to be offended now and prove me wrong than continue as you were and mislead by example.
57 minutes ago � Like � 1
Topher Allen I'll be teaching him thoroughly about ignorance and bullying, neither of which I approve of or engage in. Same goes for slut-shaming, which should be taken for granted.
I wonder where people like you see the future going? Perhaps we can all have sex with each other? Nothing will be sacred? Polygamous relationships are acceptable? I'm sorry, but not in my life. My friends and your friends can do what they want, but when you can't find a man or a girl who shares your views, yet can't love you and only you, don't cry when you're alone while she's out with someone else. I'm the first who will feel sorry for you, though.
Also, I hope your daughters aren't bullied into the idea that they need to have sex because that's what everyone else is doing.
On the phone with my mother last night, I told her about Chandler Kelly not having to worry about being bullied for having a feminine name. I believe the world is getting better and that people will be more accepting of others.
This is why I felt a "conservative" viewpoint over these girls on the "Guys We Fucked" show. I'm not accepting. I also don't like how women feel ugly when they watch commercials because "impossibly beautiful" is the promise of advertisements. Subsequently, there's no hope. That's damaging.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Article at Huffington Post:
Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson have had a lot of sex -- and they're not afraid to talk about it.
After Fisher went through a rough breakup, the two New York-based stand-up comedians, both in their mid-20s, decided to pool their collective un-shame about sex and create a podcast in which they interviewed men they'd slept with. The first episode of "Guys We F**ked, The Anti Slut-Shaming Podcast" was released in December. Since then, their audience has grown quickly, and the show now has over 200,000 subscribers on SoundCloud.
"We're saying, have a lot of sex and be proud of it," Hutchinson explains at the beginning of the debut episode.
The pair first met five years ago when Hutchinson took a college internship at the talent agency where Fisher then worked. They discovered that they were both interested in doing stand-up, and soon formed the comedy duo Sorry About Last Night. "We are really good friends in real life," Hutchinson told The Huffington Post. "I think that�s where our chemistry comes from in the podcast."
That friendship extends to no-holds-barred, frank discussions about sex. The pair touch on everything from dirty talk to disastrous one-night stands with equal parts honesty and humor. But "Guys We F**ked" isn't meant to titillate -- Hutchinson and Fisher hope that the podcast encourages women to feel more comfortable with themselves and everyone to have more great, shame-free sex.
Just don't accuse these two of hating the men they talk to and about. "We had sex with them," says Hutchinson. "We obviously liked them a great deal."
HuffPost Women: How did the idea for this podcast come about?
Krystyna: One day Corinne texted me and said: �Hey, wanna do a podcast where we interview guys we�ve f**ked? We can call it 'Guys We F**ked.'" So we talked about it and pitched it to Stand Up NY Labs and they were immediately on board. It basically stems from the fact that we�re both very sexual people and we�re proud and we own that.
Corinne: It�s not like I just woke up one day and thought, �I wanna interview everyone I�ve f**ked.� I was going through a really tough breakup and I was trying to think of different ways I could better myself as a human being. I had this John Cusack-like idea that if I went back and talked to different people I had slept with or had relationships with, I could figure out if I was doing something wrong. That progressed into Krystyna and I making it into something a little more empowering and a little less personal. We love being funny but we�re also interested in why things are the way they are for women. Why do people feel the way they do sexually? There�s a lot of shame that confuses us.
You call "Guys We F**ked" the "anti slut-shaming podcast." Had you experienced slut-shaming in the past?
K: Yes, we have. When we started out in comedy, we experienced some things. One time I walked down the street and there was a guy trying to sell tickets to a comedy club and he asked me if I wanted to buy tickets to the show, and I said �Oh no, I�m actually a performer.� He said, �What, are you a stripper or something?� And I said, �No, I�m a comedian.� But he didn�t believe me. And that�s something that happens to us all the time.
Since starting in stand-up comedy I�ve realized that sexism is alive and well. Also, I�ve noticed that a lot of my girl friends feel ashamed about what they do sexually. We wanted to make women feel more comfortable, and for men to feel more comfortable and to hear what we talk about.
C: Yeah, I think the phrase, �Oh, she�s such a slut� is dropped so casually by men and women. And I don�t think you need to be the victim of something to recognize that it�s wrong and to fight against it. Sometimes it�s more powerful if it�s not the �sluts� fighting against slut-shaming, but rather someone who�s just, �We need to be more supportive of one another.� I think women call other women sluts a lot and that is terrible.
Why do you think that slut-shaming is such an issue in our culture? Are people just terrified of women as sexual beings?
K: Yes, I think people are afraid. Hate stems from fear and I think they�re just afraid of a woman who is empowered and sexually in charge and in control of her own body. And I also think that some people were raised to feel this way because the people in their lives didn�t have a positive attitude towards women, and they don�t realize that it�s messed up.
I would assume that you�ve gotten some mixed reactions to your podcast. What have been the most frustrating ones?
K: When we first started on SoundCloud, users would comment. Most of them would be praising the podcast. Sometimes we�d get someone saying �Oh, I�d love to f**k those sluts.� But it�s impossible to get angry about those comments. You know what? You�re calling yourself out on being an ignorant a**hole.
C: We speak very freely and graphically about sex, but obviously we�re not gonna f**k anyone who says �I wanna f**k you, sluts,� so dream on. The worst thing for me is when women make comments being like: �You are filthy, you don�t get this, you�re disgraceful.�
K: I kind of expected it from men, because they�re losing the power struggle here, but when it�s women against their own kind I just sit back and think �we have so far to go.�
What do you hope listeners take away from the podcast?
K: We want to make people feel more comfortable in their own skin. We just got a message from a girl from New Delhi, India, about how she loves the podcast because it makes her feel like it�s OK to be comfortable with your sexuality and enjoy sex. And that made me so happy.
How have men reacted when you approached them about being guests on your show, especially at the beginning?
K: All of them thought it was a great idea. The ones that opted not to do the podcast, did so out of respect for their wives or girlfriends -- this one guy I asked, who I love and am still friends with, just had a baby and he kind of didn�t want to come out in the world and talk about f**king now that he has a daughter, and that�s fine. But most people have been really excited and it�s been very well-received and they�ve had a lot of fun.
C: We allow people to be anonymous and really, unless you�re a public figure, or someone really personally knows you, there�s no way your identity is gonna get out. We record this in a private studio and we never use last names, except with Jim Norton because he�s a famous comic and we didn�t have sex with him.
I think that often men crave a space to talk about sex. Women tend to have more spaces to discuss these things than men do, so it�s kind of awesome that you�re bringing both perspectives to listeners.
K: One thing I�ve realized is that men don�t have these conversations in their living rooms like women do. A lot of our male listeners are fascinated because they want to hear what women say when they talk about sex with their friends. We�re opening up that private conversation to the public.
And we�re in our mid-20s. We don�t know everything, we make mistakes as we go and we�re very honest about those mistakes. I think that�s another reason people kind of identify with it.
Do you ever feel conflicted about putting so much of your personal life into your work?
K: We�re both stand-up comedians, so I think we do that anyway. But this is on a much larger scale. When we�re recording the podcast it genuinely feels like we�re hanging out in a living room and just shooting the sh*t about sex. I sometimes forget we�re recording. And at the very beginning I said a few things about my boyfriend of three years and what he likes sexually. I probably should have waited to let him speak for himself. So that was a lesson learned.
C: I feel a little bit less inhibited. I don�t have a job where anyone would care, I don�t have a boyfriend, my family doesn�t care.
sorry about last night
Do you think that there is a specific value in women being confessional?
K: I think there is tremendous value in women being honest about the mistakes they�ve made. There are so many industries that depend upon women feeling insecure. And that�s a lot to handle as a woman -- just having all these images of what you should look and be like -- so when you finally hear a woman being honest about something she�s insecure about, it�s so refreshing. It almost takes weight off of my shoulders knowing that there are other people who feel the same way.
C: A lot of times the argument we�ll hear is: �Well, I don�t think men or women should be talking this graphically about sex. Sex is private.� I totally hear people on that. That�s the beauty -- you can keep your sex private. It�s almost like we�re taking it a little over the top and talking about sex a little more in-depth just to push the point home that this is not something to be ashamed of.
Do people think about me differently? One hundred percent. Are people less likely to have sex with me, especially in the comedy community? One hundred percent. I have had way less sex since this podcast started than I have ever had in my entire life. And it is 100 percent directly related to the podcast.
K: Guys can be easily intimidated by a woman who has a lot of sex. I�ve never really understood that.
Do you two consider yourselves feminists? Do you shy away from that term at all?
K: I don�t shy away from the word �feminist.� I think it�s unfortunate that people have a negative connotation of that term and I�m guilty of being that way too, sometimes. I find myself saying, �Well, I�m not like a feminist or anything, but...� But what feminism means to me is owning your sh*t. And under that definition I am absolutely a feminist.
C: Yeah, I like to call myself a modern feminist. I loved the Spice Girls because they dressed however they wanted and they rocked their hot bodies, but they were still promoting a really positive message. And I think to say that to be a feminist you can�t show off your body or be overtly sexual is bullsh*t. Jesus, if I can�t wear a miniskirt in my 20s, when can I?
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