In.
2013-05-19, 11:40 pm

I am starting to feel the pieces fall together. These pieces are what I have been waiting for my entire life so far. Wherever you are today...you are feeling exactly what you have been waiting for...and when it doesn't feel right...
...if you're not happy where you are...
...change it.
Take some advice, and make it your own.

We spent the night watching old videos...of us. Not 'us,' there are none of those yet. Her family videos show a couple of happy kids, including herself. Corrie as an 8-year-old is always smiling, always moving, and always playing.

Seeing that part of her, I see nothing but good and nothing more than what I have already been seeing. Maybe this is all I want to see.

But I am letting it soak in. I love this feeling...except as much as it has been in my imagination, I don't think it has been real until tonight.

Tonight, I was supposed to go to my new house and introduce my new roommates to my dog in my new neighborhood in my new city. Everything is new to me, but as sad as it is that the feelings I have towards Corrie are some of which I don't believe I have felt, it is all I want to feel.

I am in another part of the country than where I was a week ago. A week ago, it was the last day of all three of my jobs. I had a day off of Monday, and then on Tuesday, I was meeting my new girlfriend for the last first time we would ever meet.

She said she loved my face when I saw her, she said it was a look of relief. It was pure relief as the girl I have been dreaming about for so long came to rescue me.

From what?
It's not important...but she is rescuing me from nothing. Almost literally nothing.
Many are saved from something...perhaps that is their story. My story starts with nothing...I don't change...I don't evolve...
...but I am rescued and taken to something.

What is this feeling I have? What are my "feelings" toward Corrie?
Sadly, they are heartbreak...I am heartbroken over the idea that Corrie will not be there. I am depressed over the idea that she deserves better. I am saddened that I am just not good enough.

I would be crying...I feel like it...but there is simply no drama. There is no more reason to be negative.

We didn't fight all day...and as much as I needed to leave to meet up with new roommates, I didn't want to. All I want is to be with Corrie and I don't want these feelings to stop.

There are so many butterflies that I am flying.

I am going to look at her tomorrow differently than I have seen her before...
...because the only negatives there are in my life...they're ideas...as true as it is that losing her would be losing a part of me...she has become a part of me.

I am here because she is here.
I have been waiting for this my entire life.
Every thing is new...and when you're in the unfamiliar, the only fear is fear itself...but all I fear is her getting hurt.

I do not want her to feel hate towards anything.

...and that...is what love is.

I have told her that I love her, and I am getting very comfortable saying it...I wish I wasn't so comfortable yet...I have always thought saying 'I love you, too' is like saying the title of the sequel.

I prefer to be original.

For now, I am just making it official...

I am in love with Corrie Diane West.

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