orgasm...drunk...high...tired...
...entertained.
...scared.
...depressed.
There are different states of mind that make us feel pleasure and weakness. How our mind interprets these states not only says much about the mind, much about the person containing said "mind" in the way of how much pleasure is taken from these states.
The weakness is...addiction.
Want is a thing...
Need is a greater thing...
...controlling these things goes to show how addicted you are to them.
Love is an addiction like cigarettes are an addiction. For some, cigarettes are merely a habit...for those who consider love a habit, may their relationships be so few that one lasts forever.
Sex is the smoke through which we experience orgasm...a high.
Many of these states of mind mix well...I assume depression mixes well with alcohol, however alcohol has always made me dumber. If I were to write this entry while drunk, there would be many mispellings.
When I'm drunk, I do not care...I wonder how good my judgement would be. I find the term "whiskey dick" to be relieving.
In the past few days, I could have written entries tired. I slept in one day, then worked at 6am the next...stayed up all night to do so. I find this state of mind traces back to high school, and I rely on the second wind...the energy through which I stay awake. I went home and slept after work to meet Kelsey at the 30th street house for dinner.
Hot dogs over a campfire and then skinny dipping in the hot tub.
I could have slept right after that...like a baby. I still slept well last night, and the 3-4 hours of sleep did me real good...but from 7am to 2pm, then getting dollar tans and Arby's, then 4pm to 10pm, then meeting Kelsey and her friends at the 30th street house to pick up Teddy Bear...
That's a day, right there. I doubt I worked as hard as they did. They're pretty much cleaning that house right up. The hot tub hopefully makes it worth it, but I owe them food...
Now I'm home...and horny...
I want to jackoff, but currently would rather fuck Kelsey. I think I'm in love with her...this crazy ass love story from hell could become true love...and maybe I'm lying to myself to see it, but...I love so much. That's my addiction, though...her...
...and I can't be mean.
I'm not as horny for her as I am for the spice...Potpourri?
Smoking pot?
It's a high...and that's better than a low...I can' imagine becoming an alcoholic. Impaired judgement seems more killer than...no judgement. Being cool with everything...
The first time, I felt like it was something I needed to be alone for. I felt exposed. Naked.
Weeks passed before the second...
The third time, I was naked...
Now it's the fourth time...and writing this is making me very tired. I don't need to smoke...but I want to...
Currently, I can judge everyone...
...and they need it. They are weak.
Those who need...those who are addicted...are pathetic...and I hate them for it.
Kelsey, my love, has her cigarettes...I refuse to understand what is so out of my element...
I would rather do this.
...rather than watching a movie?
I feel dirrty. Like when I want something in my ass, another element to get me off...It feels wrong. Wanting it.
I bought Taco Bell...seems only fitting.
I dunno...entertainment mixes so well with pot, I may just watch some porn, jerk off, then eat Taco Bell...and sleep.
Do I need sex? It's my addiction. I think too much when I'm high.
Kelsey Ann, I'll be thinking of you.
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