I get on but my computer doesn't work. I don't feel like getting mad. I'm so fuckin A happy. I'm SO happy!
Life is perfect, seriously. No school to work with, my momma and Dad are being nice, we're going on a cruise Friday, and even the clothes that are all over the house aren't bothering me.
BUT!!!!!...Those have no affect on why my life is fuckin A right now. I bet you can guess why. I have the best girlfriend in the world. The most beautiful, the most SEXY, fuckin A SEXY! Maybe fuckin XXX sexy, hmmm. "uuuUUUHHHhhhh..."
Today, I went to see my mom's therapist. A psychologist, I think. A doctor. His name was Andy, and he had a really soft voice, and we weren't in his original office. We were in someone else's office, I noticed the names on the door being different.
Okay, okay, I have a funny story here. I went to drop Diana off at basketball camp this morning, and walking through the halls of the elementary school, I read someone's name on the door: Ms. Mann. I am so fucking serious that the janotor couldn't figure out why I was rolling on the floor laughing. Oh my god, it was so funny as fuck.
Well, around lunch time I went to see my doctor. We talked, but he didn't want to talk about what I wanted to talk about. SO by the end of the day, there was nothing I didn't care about that my mom was going to hear too. There was nothing. It sucked. The biggest part of my life, and I even think she will still be here for the rest of my life, Vicky...she was not talked about. She had nothing to do with what he wanted to talk about. He was just a really soft voiced man getting nowhere, and learning nothing about me. Vicky has changed the rest of my life.
We have a relationship that is equivalent to a couple married for many years, except without the sex. I emailed this to Vicky earlier today:
TEN Things I love About YOU
10. First of all, you are extremely hot. Sexy Beautiful. I love your face all the way down to your beautiful feet. I love your stomach, its flat. You being as hot as you are is a big bonus, an extra. I would love you no matter how you looked because you are you. You are sexy beautiful. I love your name. Victoria. Your first name is even sexy. Your last name is beautiful, I like it. If your first name is sexy and your last name is beautiful, then that makes you Sexy Beautiful.
9. I love your personality. I love your sense of humor. I love how smart you are, you are very smart. You always know what to say and whatever you say, I care about. I always want to know what you have to say. It seems like you always know what to say. You can never say anything wrong.
8. I love how I can talk to you. I talk to you more than I talk to any of my other friends. Me talking to you on the beach was, just alone, more talking than I have done with anybody. You are my best friend. I can talk to you. I can talk to you whenever I want to. We email each other huge emails that I love, and we talk on IM, and those aren't even the best part. I like talking to you in person much better.
7. You are cuddly, haha. You are fun to hold onto. You are comfortable. You are nice, and you like me holding onto you. You like hugs. You are a perfect person to get close to. Close in every way. You are warm. Haha, unlike my damn big pillow, you have breasts, haha, you're a beautiful girl. I like to listen to your heart beat. You have a big heart.
6. You are wild. You always like to have fun, but sometimes you don't even care if you're having fun, like up north you just wanted to be with me. I just wanted to be with you, so it worked out niiiice. We didn't care about having fun because we just were. We always have fun, and there are never "weird silences." We're comfortable with each other, and I never worry that I need something to talk about every minute with you. I'm just comfortable.
5. You have a life. You do many things everyday. You can make friends easily. Everybody likes you. Tessa was jealous of you because you and Chels were just getting along better than she was with you. Then I think even Chels was jealous when you went up north with me. Out of all the people in the world, you are my best friend.
4. I care about you, I care about what you've been through. You have a past, its just not as good as you would want it to be. I care about everything that you do. Everything you do affects me. If you have a good day, that makes my day. If you have a bad day, it makes the day seem bad. All I want for you is happiness. All I want from you is your love.
3. I love it how you are scared of some movies. I LOVE watching movies with you. It is so much fun. We are always holding each other. When I was younger, I would watch scary movies with Diana so I have practice closing eyes. Its a lot of fun to watch scary movies with people who actually get scared, unlike me. I just don't. And its no fun watching them with McB because he just leaves the room, and doesn't watch. Movies affect you, but they are just movies. Then at the end you just say "That was a goood movie!" The first movie I saw with you like this was "Signs." You were scared there, and closed your eyes at some parts! That was so cool, funny, but cute.
2. Like I said before, you have a big heart. You have a lot of love. You love some people, and then they leave. Or you think they're leaving you, and you get hurt. You have feelings. You have a lot of love, and that's what I have. You love me, and it makes me feel like the best person in the world. I love your love, and that's all I need.
1. I am counting down from 10 because I could go on. I would go on. This, number one, will cover everything else. There is nothing I don't like about you. There's nothing I don't LOVE about you. You are so lovable. You are unhatable. Everyone loves you. Everyone wants to be with you. We have a really cool love story here that won't ever end. I know it won't end. I won't let it end. I love you too much, and there's nothing that I will let come between us, and nothing that can break us. I never want to hurt you. I will always care about you. I will always love you.
~~~~
Our relationship is so perfect. She had emailed me 10 things earlier. Here's a game any couple can play, write ten things you love about each other. DO IT! Its fun, and this was Vicky's idea. Vicky is so perfect, its crazy.
I can't believe I am this lucky, and that I have someone like her in my life. I just can't believe it. I am in love, I am SO in love. This is love, I know it. How do I know it? Because there's nothing better than it, I will never love anybody the same, I will never. This is my first true love, and it is my last. I already know it is my last.
Her last entry, "Christopher," was like a romance novel. After talking to her yesterday...just yesterday, around the "after school" time, I learned a couple things. I learned that she actually loved me. Really loved me. I mean, she's said it, and I believed it, but I always had it in the back of my mind that she would leave me someday. After high school, I had always pictured us splitting up and then never seeing each other again.
I DID! That's what I pictured. I mean, whatever makes her happy, whatever she wants to do, if she wants me, then she can't lose me. She will never lose me, I will always be there helping her, and doing whatever she wanted. Always and forever.
I have learned so much from her, and I have done a lot with her. We've broken up, and I can't forget that because we got back together. I told myself I loved her before that, and I don't think I ever would have forgotten it, but I would have tried. We've been on field trips, she's slept at my house, BOTH my houses, and we've kissed. I love her kisses, I would die for them. That list, 10 things, is a really small list. I also love it how she calls me "Honey" and she always knows what to say. She can make any day. Today was busy and tiring, I go to her house, and she says "I've never seen you so smiley."
That's because I'm with her. I might not ALWAYS be that smiley, but there I was just so happy. She wasn't sad, she had a good day, the day was perfect.
I picture us waking up on Saturday and Sunday mornings to twins hopping up and down on our bed. I picture us going to my cottage for a week every summer, and maybe more than that. I picture a perfect life. Only perfect if Vicky is included.
Have you ever thought you were gonna find your lifetime partner in high school?
I didn't. Not until yesterday.
Twins run in her family, and if I were gonna be a dad, I have ALWAYS wanted twins. I have. I knew that Vicky's dad was a twin, and that's why I wanted her so bad, but I never thought I could have her. She makes me so happy, and I will always try to make her happy. Her happiness means the world to me, because when she's happy, I'm happy, and that's the only way that I'm happy, because if she's sad, I'm sad.
So, me, sophmore, ready to have a life with a girl forever. With THE girl. The only girl I have ever wanted in my life.
I made her laugh a lot today. I love her laugh. She has a little squeak that is the cutest thing. CUTE, I'm using the word cute. I never use that word. I used the word "cuddly" in Vicky's email today. Hell, I never thought I would use the word "love."
I love Victoria. I'm in love with Victoria.
She loves me. I'm lucky. I really don't know what I did to deserve someone like her in my life. I must have an amazing gift. So amazing, that I have gotten the best girl in the world for me. I will only love her like this for the rest of my life. Her last entry was entitled "Christopher." Only my family calls me Christopher, its a rule. But it feels okay here. It feels perfect.
I'm in love with Victoria.
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