I�m home alone, I can�t get online, I have nothing to do, but I�m perfectly fine. I�m awesome. Being in love changes the world. Being in love gives you a reason to live. Being in love is having a life. I�m sitting here typing this up as a Word document and listening to a couple CD�s that Vicky made for me. Three CD�s, and really awesome, I�m having so much fun listening to them. One of the songs is the main titles song from �Lethal Weapon 3,� a song I remember recording onto a tape from the TV. I had the whole family be quiet so I could record it. Haha.
I�m in love though, and its awesome. With us, there are few fights, very few. Every couple gets into a fight, it makes you compatible. Fights teach you about the other person. A couple of our fights have been about jealousy.
Everybody gets jealous. Men, they get jealous a lot more often than women. Women, they get kinda demented kinda jealous. They only seem like that, they�re not really demented. All of us are jealous because they need the reassurance of love. They need to know that the other loves them. Never let a little fight like these break you up. Talk things out.
A line from one of the most popular movies ever: �Love means never having to say you�re sorry.� This is so stupid because there are too many times when couples need to say those simple words. I mean, I don�t think people should be sorry, I think everything happens for one reason or another. Being sorry is nice because it lets me know that someone actually cares. SOMETIMES someone has to say they�re sorry even when they don�t know what the hell they�ve done.
If there were no such thing as monogamy, Vicky would inspire me to invent it.
She�s loving and caring and is the thing that�s been missing in my life. I�ve really known her since eighth grade. She�s been with me for a while, and I thank God everyday. Everynight.
She gives me someone to say goodnight to.
I�m sitting here right now listening to a CD that her cousin Mark made for her. Its pretty good too. I�ve listened to all three CD�s she made me for tonight. She has also given me a letter to read, naked. Every time I go away, she writes me letters. She is too awesome to me. Too good to me. Everynight, before we go get all the beauty sleep that we can, we say �Goodnight� so many times. We say �I love you,� and �I love you too� about one hundred times each night. She, of all people, would get the �wife of the year award� when we�re grown up.
I want to marry her.
Why would anyone want to spend their whole life with one person? Vicky is the only person I�ve ever known who hasn�t annoyed me in some way. I can find something wrong with everybody, but not her. Everyday I learn something new from her. She always surprises me and makes me that happiest guy in the world. Every day.
I love her not only for who she is, but who I am when I�m with her.
I want to roll over during the middle of the night and see her lying there sound asleep. Then I could reach my arm over her and hold onto her. I want her to have me go check out any sounds she hears in the middle of the night. I want to cook with her like I have before. We�re cooperative. When making macaroni, as she finishes putting milk in, I get the butter and add that. We have fun everyday, as much fun as possible.
�The first half of your life your parents ruin, and the second half, your kids ruin.�
I wanna have kids. Vicky and I making another person. Twins run in both our families. Though, having kids WILL come later, much later, I know that I will have fun. First, there�s gonna be many years where its just Vicky and I living. LIVING! School, High School, we�re alive, we�re living, we should be. I know that I still complain about the damned homework. I couldn�t do any of it if I didn�t have the internet. Like tonight, I need to be online to do some research and I can�t do any of it because the internet isn�t working. It just doesn�t work and instead of letting it piss me off, I�m writing this entry here.
I need to be needed.
Vicky is addicting. A while away from her I cannot stand. Sleeping, that�s the time when I�m away from her right now. I�m with her after school, during school, online. During school with in between classes and the lunch that lasts half an hour. Right now is okay, its only one night. I�ll see her beautiful face tomorrow, and I�m looking forward to it. This weekend, I might go up north, and I�m sitting here too afraid to ask my parents because I�m scared that they�ll say �Yes, we�re going up north, so say goodbye to all your friends�.�
I don�t wanna leave. I hate being up north without Vicky, and I can�t ask them if I can take her up north because they�ll say �No, you took her that one time.�
After High School, I don�t know what I�m going to do. I want to stay with Vicky, I really do. No �but�s, I want too. Here�s what my plan would be: to go to California and look for work there. Will I struggle with living arrangements? Well, I�ve never thought I would. California costs more to live there. I�d get some kind of job, go to college with the money I make there. I want High School to last, but shit, I�m not getting anything out of it. If I drop out, I�ll get nowhere in life. High School seems like a waste of time to me.
I just want to be living. Living with Vicky in a nice house somewhere where its nice and warm. Somewhere I can have fun, have friends, have Vicky. Vicky is my friend.
I love her so much, and I can feel her love, I know she loves me. She�s not paranoid, she�s caring. She is a very caring person. She�s very loving. She�s lovable. Always telling me to be careful.
She baby-sits. As I�m sitting here now, she�s off baby-sitting, being a wonderful young mother. She�s probably watching �Office Space� and playing Monopoly. She�s so awesome. She keeps telling me about all these people she�s been friends with. Most of them, I�m glad she isn�t friends with. These people are ho�s, haha. Lucky them for even getting to know Vicky.
�If the sex is good, its 10% of the relationship/marriage, but if its not so good, its 90%.�
Vicky and I fool around trying to get the other as horny as they can stand. I need to figure out what the hell an orgasm is before I talk about how horny I�ve been. Vicky has grabbed me and almost put me inside her. Sex, a great conversation for everybody. We need to be protected and will make sure we are before we have sex. I read my mom�s Redbook magazine. Ever heard of it? I don�t masturbate at all, I never have, and I�m proud of it! Why the hell did I just tell you that? Well, for those of you who know Redbook, its all about marriage, and there are some great tips on sex. I read one when I was really young, like 12, and then had a dream that my wife told me that she found it and wanted to take me upstairs. 12 years old, I think I was perverted a little bit. Maybe. Not obsessively. I dunno. I�m not now, but I love to see Vicky naked.
We�ve done a lot together. If anyone asked me what I did over the summer I couldn�t say anything without including Vicky�s name.
I believe that we�d be fun parents. We�d have the kids who go to school sayin �My dad dared my mom to go streaking again.� Haha, hopefully our kids would never know about that. We could play practical jokes on each other all the time. Nothing mean. Fun fun fun.
The only thing we need to work on, or don�t, but should work on is being able to go out with other friends. Not go out go out, but go to parties like Vicky will be going to Sara F�s party tomorrow night. She�ll have a lot of fun, I know she will. I really hope she does.
Tonight, I stayed up till around 1:30am reading some poems that Vicky wrote. Her poetry is SO awesome and leaves me affected. I sit there and begin to cry. I care about her. Some of her depressing poems or her depressing entries, oh God, I almost cannot stand. I just think �She�s fine now she�s fine now,� and then I feel only a little better. Her entries on missing D affected me. I felt so bad for her. But there I was, I would read her entries and I was just a no good boyfriend. Maybe I was shy. I don�t know. Now, I can talk to her whenever the hell I want to, I could call her up in the middle of the night, �Hey, I just wanted to hear the sound of your voice.�
I was helpless then. I could have made her feel SO much better. This year, if things had stayed the same, I would have had a piss-poor summer, maybe going to Spags and seeing a couple movies with her, but nothing much. Not speaking to her mom or going to her house everyday. Think about how bad this year would be. I don�t know, I just imagine it not being that great. All I know is that last year would have been a lot better for her if we were the way we are now. I felt so terrible. I was helpless, though I COULD have done whatever I wanted. Its not that I didn�t care. I loved her, but it was a silent love. It was practically nothing. I was nothing, and I hated myself.
�Don�t love me quietly, do it with intensity�
We probably tell each other that we love the other about one thousand times a day. Its not enough. Our only fights, really, are the ones where we argue about who loves the other more. Lately, there have been a couple fights, little fights. But they hurt a lot more than if a friend and someone got into a fight. We went to the counselor for Chels and talked about how we are so close that fights happen more. Maybe its that �AND they happen more.� I don�t remember. Closeness causes more pain when there is a fight. I believe we will always talk it out. When we live together, there is no way either of us could get away without talking. Now, I don�t really think so either, but the littlest things seem so big sometimes.
Every day that I see her, I fall in love with her again and again. We�re ALWAYS having fun, like I�ve said. Today, after school, we came home to my house and had a lot of fun in my bedroom.
We�re both virgins. We�ve never had sex. We don�t make out all the time. We do when we�re alone, but still, not all the time. When we come home from school we watch movies/do homework/get online. At school we give each other kisses.
I love her because she is perfect for me. She�s so lovable that she will be the only person I will ever love like this. I�ve never met anybody like her before. I never thought I�d have my fianc�e at age 15, but hey, love happens. I can�t control myself, I�m in love with her. We�re doing awesome. We�re high school sweethearts, and I never thought I�d be proud to be one. Usually we see people holding hands at school and it used to look dumb to me, it did. But now I think �Well, they�re cute.�
Cute is in my vocabulary.
Vicky is HOT, she is sexy, she is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. I�m never going to leave her. I can�t wait till the day we make love. She makes me so horny and I fall in love with her everyday I see her. I�m so lucky to have her in my life. I�m so happy. I�m always happy when I�m with her. I really am happy. Before I go to sleep I imagine her with me. I miss her when I�m not around her. She�s my love, she�s my sweetheart, my princess. Oh yeah, and incredibly CUTE!
I can�t control who I love, but I�ve loved her for so long and so much. I cannot imagine a life without her. I want to make children with her. I want to make love to her. I want to watch TV in the buff with her when I have nothing else to do. I wanna go out drinking with her and her family. I want to be married to her. Everyday I come up with a new reason to be married to her. I want to live with her.
I will never leave her.
| | Back to Top
Quote of the Day: