Today was blah...nothing eventful happened, the weather is grey and boring, it is still depressing out. Well, about two minutes ago, the darkest cloud ever settled over me. I was eating my macaroni and cheese that I made...well, I cooked the noodles and added cheese, and then I ate until mom came home with dinner. I was finished. Then she got a phone call telling her to come down to the High School.
Tonight is conferences.
I saw some of my grades today. In Science I either have a 1.0 or a 0.0. In ENGLISH, I have a 0.0 all because of "The Great Gatsby" test. God have mercy on my soul. For help on my excuse, most of my class did terribly on the test. Some did terribly and they read the book. The "Goorish" admitted to this and that she didn't teach it well. Yeah, her test was dumb. But are my parents gonna give a fuck?
No...I am officially screwed. Maybe I have a chance, but maybe I am really screwed.
A year ago I was being put on the "Honor System." Since then, I have not let them forget about it. My mom, at least. My dad doesn't give a shit. I know these two grades suck and there's not a lot I can do to help them. My math grade even, I have been slacking in that class too. I felt like crying a couple seconds ago, and got back online just for this keyboard and black box with an outlet for my scaredy thoughts.
Vicky was just talking to me on somebody elses screen name and I talked to her about how I hope she wasn't taking her friends' screen names off her buddy list and Instant Messaging them. I was being sarcastic, but since she didn't understand my comment, I told her "You've been known to take buddies from my buddy list" or something like that. I felt like crying then, too. She once signed on my screen name and when she got on, one of my buddies Instant Messaged her, wanting to talk to me. She signed off, and now talks to this guy a lot. "This guy" is Jimmy, from Drama class. Ahh, drama, I loved those days...before the production. The production of it, the memories are ruined for me.
I wonder how this year will be. This time I have more friends who will not only be helping with it, but they will be IN the plays, and in the class. The first drama, which you have to take in order to be to the "advanced" level, was a lot of fun because of these guys. But this time it's work, you build the sets and have to act, and use accents, 'n stuff.
Our class schedules came out, and I am not listing my classes for any of you, so don't ask for them, but I think I have it pretty figured out. I know my main classes, at least, anyway. I think it's a good idea for a couple of us to sign in for 4th hour English so we all have the same lunch.
Since nobody is talking to me online, I am gonna sign off and do fucking homework. I hate homework. I hate school. I hate my classes. I hate my grades. I hate my teachers. I hate that I hate so much. I hate, I hATE, I HATE!!!
*Long pause*
I don't even feel like eating anymore. I was hungry a little bit ago, ate a lot, so of course I don't feel like eating anymore. But I'm talking about going a while without a lot of food. I wish I had more stuff to do, like go into town. Then I could get some exercise.
Last night I went to a restaurant called "J.F. Chong's," a chinese restaurant. It was excellent. I've been eating a lot lately, so I need to settle down. My mom's birthday is today, I think. Hell, I don't even know. *Checks date* Okay, it was yesterday. If she wants a present from me, then I need a good job where I get a lot of money. I would rather have stuff bought from money than the actual money, but I need money for a lot of those things.
The Fat One's birthday is this month too. No wonder this is the most depressing time of the year, the time of the year when I notice that I'm actually depressed. I'm sick with worry over my grades...but I'm going to go do something about it. *Stands up confidently with hand on hips*
I still hate a lot of things though.
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