Papa Talk ~ Speech to Poison-Minded Chandler
2016-09-04, 7:35 pm

Aug 27th after talking to Papa:
"If she were any kind of mother, she would realize her son needs his father." He's a happy kid not because he's got a happy mother, we know that isn't true. You've had your strengths and making me believe that she can be joyful has had me under some kind of an illusion. She still gets frustrated and anxious and angry...and takes it out on me calling me a son of a bitch and telling me to fuck off in front of Chandler, screaming and yelling...and blaming me for it. Well, blaming me won't stop, she will continue to "poison his mind," and she will continue to be miserable. She doesn't know what happiness is, she certainly doesn't know what love is, but his mind will be poisoned to believe that I'm not a good father.

"Chandler, you know me, do I seem like the type of man who would ever support being away from you or separate from your life? It was your mother's decision to leave me, but she had made up her mind long before she actually did. I persevered, I proposed to her, I funded a venture out to Florida based on her wants for a life and a future. I planned on getting us a house and having ourselves a life in a great school district near a beach surrounded by good and welcoming community of people and she fell into it. She was making friends and contacts and we found a great church that I even liked, but she needed her mother...she was living in fear, and that's something that she cannot control. You may think I pushed her away or I had hate in my heart, but that's poison in your mind like her mother poisoned your mother's mind. Now, having said that, you know it isn't your mother's fault either. We cannot blame her and I hope you don't blame me. We cannot blame Nana, either. People are not evil. They do evil things, but they are not evil. Evil is knowing the right thing to do, and doing wrong, that's what Jesus implied as sin by his definition. Now, they knew I was a good father...they knew my love for you and the love you had from me...they knew it...and they still took you away...and logic tells me that they felt I was a bad guy somehow...every thought that passes through their mind contradicts a prior thought, and if they think I was so good, they had to also think I was evil. That's my opinion, and that's eternal sin in the eyes of Jesus, however...I don't believe in a God of justice. I don't believe in an all-knowing God...I don't believe in a god of mercy. I believe that God is all-loving...and that love is the power that keeps humans together. It's acceptance. And your Mama and Nana Karla do not accept me. They do not believe in the God that I do. Either they are wrong...or I am. And I have found that acceptance has brought me a great peace. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to show this to you, but I will try and you can learn...life is a great thing. Humanity is ultimately good. Humans are meant to suffer, but not every one. You will make good decisions, decisions out of love, but the key is finding those who love like you do. Your mama and Nana Karla...do not. They are miserable people and they always have been and if you...oppose them, they will give you something to fear. And I'm telling you...you don't have to. You don't have to believe what they believe, you can accept their backwards beliefs, but you're a great kid and have been forced to believe what they do. You don't have to, though. They know not what they do."

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