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Aug 29
Chandler left two days ago. I felt very good and peaceful yesterday and was very active. Now, I'm not as peaceful, wondering if Corrie is just incapable of love because of the indoctrination of her mother.
"She's supportive, she's the reason we didn't break up in the first place."
"See? You don't think for yourself, it's your mother who has the puppet strings, please realize that you're not a puppet and if you don't want Chandler to be her puppet either, you'll realize he needs his father who loves him. Your mother thinks in contradictions, so if she thinks he needs his dad, which she's even said to me, then she also thinks he needs a single mother. "
Test her:
Tell her 'I love Topher and Chandler will never have more love than he would with both parents. I want to be with a man who loves my son more than anyone else."
Test her, see what she says.
She thinks in opposites, so if she says one thing, she will also think and possibly say the other. If she says "You do what you think is best," get her to support it. Ask her if she thinks Topher is a good dad. And maybe you'll have to wait, but she is negative...always. And it's because she's miserable with her own life.
If she agrees, I bet it won't be with enthusiasm.
It will be an attempt to make you think differently.
She won't be supportive.
She won't be proud.
She will say one thing and she'll say the complete opposite.
This is why she can't make up her mind.
She's done this all the time and she's done this all her life. It's frustrating, but it's how her mind works.
And she wants you to worship her and live under her rule, because she doesn't trust me, and that's not because I'm untrustworthy, you know I wouldn't break trust...it's because I'm a threat to her. I don't fear her like you do, I don't revere her...and she can't control me.
Can't Corrie and I have that loving marriage where I complain "This broad is a pain in the neck!" And where her mother and I make jokes about each other because we both have egos that can't stand each other...and maybe we see a counselor every once in a while even if we are in love and maybe we can have picnics under a tree and we don't focus on idealism...we don't focus on how things should be...we just love how things are...
...and we will fall in love if she wants to.
If she doesn't have the desire to have a family for Chandler, then she will take the love away from him. Her mom doesn't like kids, she's not good with kids, she hates their videos and just puts on tv for her...
Corrie isn't like that. Corrie's not a witch and Chandler will not be forced under her spell.
But if Corrie wants the good out of life and the betterment of Chandler...
"You know your mother is the only thing keeping you from me, she wants to control you because you're her only child she can control. She says she encourages the relationship, but she's the one calling me an asshole and making you obsessed with money. Before me, you were not so obsessed with money. We will gain trust, but I have to have faith that you want this, and you have to have faith that I want this...and you can't listen to your mother when she says "did he welcome you when you came home today?" because she's not in our relationship. And if we are happy, you can always come into my arms...and we will be happy. We will have our bad days, I promise, and I like to argue, but we won't fight and you won't be so angry. Unless you live with her...and she's a miserable person, and she wants you to stay miserable as well. Because she's not really a Christian. She worships herself, and that's who she wants you to worship."
"You have to either
a. Want to work towards a life of love and peace and be a mother that wants to influence those desires.
Or b. Do what's best for Chandler."
"You don't think I want what's best for Chandler?"
"If you think Chandler doesn't need his father in his life, we are so done. You can be selfish, you do you, and you both can live under your mother's rule, and you can both worship her and never know true happiness."
You have to want to be happy with me, and you have to have passion for a family with Chandler and I. If you just don't want it, you'll stay miserable and your mother will keep you miserable. You'll stay ashamed of your body, lacking confidence in your abilities, and you'll never be able to improve yourself or be passionate about anything and you'll be abused when she forces you to do something for yourself but denies you the tools to do it."
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Chandler was a beautiful memory.
If you know the love of his Papa, then you know he needs it, and if you choose to take the love away from him, you're punishing him for the sake of yourself, and not the betterment of his life simply because you couldn't try. Your allegiance and worship of your mother was above love for God.
You choose:
Chandler's life or yours. Which is more important?
Your mom will treat him like a sinner and unworthy and he will be raised to think he is broken. Like you were. No confidence. No self-esteem. No drive to pursue your dreams. No passion to learn or be educated. It's an anti-intellectual life. You tell me your mom is smart and yet she speaks and thinks in contradiction. That's why she doesn't make up her mind, but if she can control you and your thoughts, then she can make you be miserable and that keeps the two of you close. You know Florida has lots of potential, and that you could raise a family with boys who love you...and accept you...and are proud of you...and support you. But all you see is the negative because that's what she wants you to see...she doesn't want to let you go to be happy.
She'll encourage the relationship...
...but manipulate your feelings and focus on control.
She's the reason Florida couldn't work...and we are the reason that it could. She's all that's keeping you from finding joy, and keeping Chandler from having a loving family. It's not you, it's not me, and it's not even her fault. It's how she thinks and she doesn't know any better.
But you could.
And you could teach her how to be happy, too.
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